Page 216 of The Catalyst

My boobs are way bigger than they used to be since I’ve been breastfeeding Rian, but they’ll go down as my milk dries up. It’s been fairly easy to wean Rian off my breast milk and get him to start taking formula. He seems to prefer it. He’s just as much of an asshole as his father, but I kinda expected he would be. Any child from Oliver Doyle is bound to be a prick.

“Come on, baby. You gotta let him go,” Oliver whispers sympathetically in my ear, but his voice cracks. He’s not being cruel or irritable. He’s just as affected by this as me.

I don’t want to let him go. I love being his mother and tending to him. I love that at least once a day, I’ll see Ollie lounging on the couch with Rian napping on his chest. I love waking up to Rian cooing in his bassinet.

I’ve always felt stuck when thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve never had aspirations, only interests. Psychology, physics, and research all interested me, but not enough to think of spending the rest of my life dedicated to the field. Not like I have since the moment Alisha placed Rian in my arms.

My calling is raising a family, having babies, and tending to them. Doing all of this with Ollie is what I want, but my biological clock will start ticking by the time the contract is up. I doubt Ollie would have any problem keeping me knocked up. He surely loves the act of getting me pregnant, and he can lie all he wants. I know he likes being a dad and taking care of Rian.

This is like ripping my own soul out.

Let me stay with him. Please. Just give me this time.

I pray that the clock stops moving and everything freezes, but me and my son. It doesn’t, though. Everything keeps moving, even that stubborn grandfather clock in Vera’s living room.

Tears fall down my face as I kiss the top of Rian’s head, and he begins to wail, digging his nails into my tank top. Maybe he feels my agony the way I feel his anytime he cries, even when I’m not in the room with him. I sense when he needs me.

“Beth,” Oliver mutters in my ear as I slowly move to my feet, Judy giving me sad eyes.

“Please.” My voice cracks over the word. “Don’t let anything happen to him.”

I need to put on my big girl panties and stop crying because it doesn’t do us any good. We need to face this as seriously as possible. Wiping my tears, I stand up straight, and Judy gives me an understanding smirk.

“Don’t worry, Bee. I’ll keep him safe.”

I nod. “Remember, you can’t mention him through text or on the phone until a good amount of time has passed. Even then, you need to talk about him like he’s your own kid, that includes when you talk to Ollie or Ro–”

“I know. This is my part of this whole operation. You made the deal and gave birth to a beautiful little boy. I’ll keep him protected and hidden. He’ll have an entire army protecting him. You just focus on surviving that family.” She throws one arm around me, and I barely manage to pat her back.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

I nod and take Oliver’s hand before we walk out of the door and head straight for his car, which is packed full of all our things. Over the past seven months of living in this place, it became home. This is the life I wanted for myself. It’s a simplistic dream. I don’t want to marry the heir to a billion-dollar empire. I want to live in the middle of nowhere with the man I love, our friends, and our children. I wantthis.

Maybe one day.

I slide into the front seat and numbly put on my seat belt, trying to keep my heart from beating out of my chest. I can’t fucking wait to kill Nolan. His days are numbered. It’s been that way since he hurt me, but somehow, this crime is worse. It hurts worse to leave Rian in Montana than when Nolan beat me in the hall or when Martin fell through my door and I didn’t think he would survive the night. It’s more of a travesty than anything else I’ve experienced. Losing my dad, Shawn’s death, my mother’s abuse, the car accident, nothing even remotely compares to this.

Oliver gets in the car and doesn’t look back as he drives off the property and away from our child. We’re completely silent for a long while. Only the sound of the wind passing his car echoes through the cab. That’s until he speaks.

“I never wanted kids,” he admits, and the admission sends a painful zing through my heart. “I don’t like kids and figured that would carry over to my own. The only thing worse than not having a dad is having a shitty one, and I knew that’s exactly what I would be. I knew being their father was the worst curse I could give someone, so I was determined not to have any children. That’s why I seemed so unaffected when you got the paternity test back. It didn’t matter. I’d already come to terms with the fact that I’d be around the kid, whether it was mine or not. I didn’t even notice things had changed until you were hurt, and we thought he was gone. The only thing that held me together was having you right there.” Without even thinking about it, I move over to him and slip into his arm. Pressing my hand against his thigh, I offer my support for what he’s trying to get across. “When the doctor told us that our son was okay, that was when I realized I had another person I’d die for. My mom, you, and Rian. I’ve learned that caring about someone that much includes sacrifice, like walking away so they can be happy.”

Turning his head, he presses a soft kiss on my cheek. “He’ll come home soon, baby. Remember that I hate this just as much as you do, but this keeps him safe and everyone else alive. You’re a warrior. You’ll survive this, crazy girl.”

I smile to myself. He told me all of this just to show how much things can change, but they are changing for the better. We’ll get Rian back, but we need to be patient, and we will.

CHAPTER 87

BETH

The new butler guides me through the Gray Mansion, which seems to be silent.

He guides the way to Nolan’s office, and I walk in wearing a baby blue strapless dress that falls below my knees. The good thing about so much time passing is Aimee doesn’t live with my mother anymore, and I didn’t feel bad about walking in to grab some of my clothes. Not to mention, my mom gained some weight and was getting rid of a lot of her stuff. Some of the clothes were really nice, professional dresses, such as the one I’m wearing today, paired with my sleek black heels.

“Mr. Gray, Miss Mercer is here to see you.”

Even his office is silent, and I wonder where everyone is or if it's just Nolan here today. Nolan sits behind his desk, typing away at his computer, and his head lifts, those dead eyes landing on me.

“Miss Mercer,” Nolan mutters with surprise as he moves to his feet. “I didn’t receive any word that your treatments were completed.”

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