Page 169 of The Catalyst

That’s when I notice that he has more than just a slight stubble on his jaw and there’s dark circles under his eyes. He looks so tortured.

What the hell happened to him?

“Fine. You look like you came here to talk so, talk.” I cross my arms over my chest, my personal way of protecting the overly sensitive muscle below my ribs.

“I mean, stop calling and stop fucking texting me all the time,” he demands, his expression darkening.

My heart stings as I feel the blade he wields. It hasn’t quite sunk into the skin, but I can sense it’s destination–my heart.

“I wouldn’t be if you hadn’t dropped off the face of the Earth. Where have you been?” Tears fill my eyes. “I needed you and you abandoned me. You said we were in this together.”

“I know I did,” he admits. “But, I can’t even fucking look at you without seeing what you did.” He pulls his gaze away, looking at the wall, as his hands ball into fists.

“What I did? As far as I know, I haven’t done anything.”

“Just stop the lying, okay?” He explodes and runs his fingers through his hair, looking to be in shambles. “I know what you did. O’Reilly told me when my father made me go see him.” Then, he meets my eyes, hurt on his face. “You fucking helped Casey leave town then lied about it to my face, Beth.”

My expression drops from his words and my stomach turns.

Nigel.

Told.

Him.

Tears spill down my face and I can’t even deny it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to lie to you.” My ass hits the edge of the bed as my bottom lip trembles. I’m losing him and I can feel it happening, the decimation of one section of my heart. “She was so scared and didn’t want anyone to know where she was. I was just trying to help.”

His eyes narrow into slits. “And, all I wanted to know was that she was safe. I didn’t need a fucking location. All I needed was to know that my father didn’t have her killed for running. I thought she was dead in a fucking ditch and you let me think that. How do you not see how fucked up that is?”

“I do,” I cry. “Don’t you see I was in an impossible position? Your father was going to make her do something she couldn’t live with. She didn’t have anywhere to go and I was her only option, much like you were once the only option I had. You helped me escape and she was carrying your baby.”

He groans. “This isn’t about you helping her escape. I appreciate that you did that, especially for someone who was never anything but a bitch to you. I feel so fucking betrayed because you lied to me about it. Don’t you see that? Fucking look at me!”

He motions to all of himself, to the kind of state he is in.

“I havealwaysbeen on your side. No matter what, no matter how you scowled at me or threw nasty insults at me, I was always looking out for you. I always stood by your side and loved you even when I knew you couldn’t love me back.”

A sob falls from my lips as my chest vibrates. “Martin, please, I’m so sorry. I’m always on your side, too.”

He slowly shakes his head. “You weren’t when you were in that hospital room.”

I was, though. Can’t he see that? I knew he would never rat Casey out to Nolan, but the fact is that Nolan has his ways is why I won’t tell anyone where she is. It’s a secret I’ll take to my grave. Not even Nigel knows where she is. I knew if I told Martin that she was okay and I knew where she was, he would’ve asked for more information and to know where she was. He would’ve felt betrayed that I wouldn’t divulge that. I was trying to protect him and his heart from any perceived betrayal.

“I was. I always am.” Another sob breaks past my lips as he heads for the door.

“I just need some space from you so, stop blowing up my phone.”

“Martin, wait, please,” I beg as he throws open the door and I scream the words I don’t think he’ll ever give me the chance to tell him again. “I love you!”

He stops, his back going stiff, before he turns around and stomps over to me. Grabbing me by my throat, he presses me back on the bed, straddling my waist. He gets in my face and in a fashion unlike the sweet man I fell in love with, he presses his face against mine, snarling.

“Don’t you fucking dare do that. You don’t get to use those words like a weapon to get the results you want. These are the consequences of the actions you decided to take. You can only blame yourself, but youwill notattempt to control me,” he threatens and, my god, if what he’s doing isn’t affecting my body in ways that are completely inappropriate for what is happening.

“I’m not trying to.” I know how bad it sucks to be manipulated and feel forced to make decisions you don’t want to. I would never do that to him. “Even if you never want to see my face again, I want you to know it was never one sided. I love you. God, I love you so much. I just wanted you to know that.”

Then, I turn my face away from him so he knows I’ve accepted that the conversation is over. He’s leaving me permanently and there’s nothing I can do to change that. Martin is done with me because of this one misgiving.

I close my eyes and concede to the end, but then Martin grips my chin between his fingers and forces my head back to face him.

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