Page 79 of Strangers in Love

“I’ll be there.”

The call ended, and I went back into the bedroom, flipping on the light. I hadn’t unpacked my weapons yet since I’d already been thinking about going back after the other hostages, which meant I only needed clothes, first aid, that sort of thing. I’d clean my weapons on the flight.

I was in the middle of getting dressed when I heard a sound behind me and remembered that I hadn’t gone to bed alone. I glanced over at Aline and found her watching me with a confused expression on her face.

“I have to go.” My voice sounded like it was coming from far away, as if my brain was processing speech separate from what the rest of me was doing.

“Go where?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the movement of her sitting up, but even the knowledge that she was still naked couldn’t draw my attention away from my mission.

“Eoin, where are you going? Who was on the phone?” More movement. “It’s four o’clock in the morning, and this isyourhotel room.” A pause, and then in a smaller voice, “Do you want me to go?”

I tossed a shirt in my bag. “I don’t really care what you do.”

“What?”

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew her tone was a warning, but my brain could only process one thing. “I have the chance to go after the people who turned me into a monster.”

“I don’t und–”

“No,” I snapped as I yanked the zipper on my bag closed. “You don’t. And you can’t.”

I knew I was being rude, and Aline hadn’t done anything to deserve it, but I had too much shit bottled up inside me with nowhere else to go, and she was the only one here. I’d hate myself for it later, but I didn’t have room for anything else.

“Look, I’m leaving, and I don’t know when I’ll be back. You can stay here as long as you want. Just let the front desk know when you leave. I’ll stop on my way out to tell them to put anything you want on the card they have on file.”

I couldn’t look at her, couldn’t see what my words were doing to her. She couldn’t be my priority. Justice for Leo and Bart and Doto, for all of us, had to come first. Anything else I might want had to wait.

I turned and walked out without another word.

Fifty-Two

Aline

I probably lookedas stupid as I felt as Eoin walked out of the bedroom without a look back, but I was still reeling from what’d happened. If I even understood any of it, to begin with.

I’d been startled awake by a jarring ringtone that had left me confused for a moment, but when I’d heard Eoin talking, I’d started to relax. Then his tone had shifted, and he’d gotten out of bed. I’d been coherent enough to figure out that whatever it was, it was important, but he’d been speaking too quietly for me to hear even his side of the conversation. Curious, I’d resisted the urge to try to go back to sleep and waited to see if he wanted to talk.

He hadn’t wanted to talk, especially to me, something that had become painfully clear by the way he’d answered my questions. When we’d been running – and hiding – for our lives, I’d understood why he’d been abrupt, even rude. I hadn’t made the wisest decisions then or presented my thoughts in helpful ways. Now, though, I didn’t think it was out of line to expect a little common courtesy from someone with whom I’d just been intimate.

Maybe that was the problem. I’d seen what we’d done as a form of intimacy. I wasn’t looking for love or a commitment or even the start of a relationship, but his behavior would’ve been downright rude to anyone who hadn’t been a jerk first.

I stayed where I was for several minutes as I processed and fought the urge to cry. I had done nothing wrong, set no unrealistic expectations. This was all on Eoin, and I refused to take responsibility for him.

That didn’t make it hurt any less.

Tears burned in my eyes, and I fought to keep them back. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t here to see if I cried. I’d been through too much to allowthisto break me, even in the smallest way.

Staying busy was the best way to avoid revealing just how upset a person was, so even though I didn’t particularly feel like getting out of bed and into the shower at four in the morning, I did just that. I allowed myself to linger under the hot spray, soothing muscles sore from an intense and draining week. Or, rather, month. As much as I’d loved helping the children in Iran, it had been more stressful than I’d anticipated.

Because I hadn’t left the bar last night anticipating spending the night somewhere other than my parents’ house, I didn’t have any clothes to change into, but my habit of always taking clean underwear with me definitely paid off today. Just that small thing went a long way to making me less embarrassed as I did the proverbial ‘walk of shame.’ Still, my face was bright pink by the time my cab arrived.

I could only hope that my parents, habitual early risers, had been exhausted enough by recent events that I could speak to Freedom before they woke up and realized that I hadn’t come home with my sister last night. It wasn’t that I wanted to lie to them, but based on recent behavior, I couldn’t say for certain how they’d react. After everything that’d happened, the smallest push could send my father into cardiac arrest.

Which I should have thought about before I’d left with Eoin. I sighed. No, if I was going to be brutally honest with myself, I should have considered my parents’ health before I’d left the house at all. If I had truly felt the need for space, I could have simply gone to my room, taken a long, hot bath, and relaxed in the massive canopy bed from my childhood.

I’d been just as irresponsible and selfish as I’d ever been accused of being.

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