Page 134 of Scrimmage

“No, you can’t, but you can move forward. It sounds like she may have changed you. Sometimes that’s why people’s paths cross with ours. They teach us something, and we either learn or we refuse to grow.”

“I miss her, mom,” I admit, feeling my hollow chest.

“That’s quite the dilemma. It takes time to heal a broken heart.”

“I didn’t love her. I just miss her. She’s funny and really smart. Really good at art, too.”

“Love comes in all shapes and sizes.” She squeezes me. “I love you. Alexi loves you. The world loves you. They all mean different things and have different capabilities. Losing a soul that’s in your orbit can hurt just as much. Sounds like you two were doing more than just benefits.”

“Ugh, mom.”

She giggles. “We’re adults, Koda. Maybe it’s not really over, and maybe it is. If you get another chance with her, I hope you take advantage of it. You seemed like you were actually happy with more than football for once, and now you’re here, sad, and depressed.”

“I text her the other day.”

“What did she say?” I pick my phone back up and show her. She starts to laugh. “Well, at least she responded. She could have said nothing at all. Sounds like she wanted to make you angry.”

“That’s all she fucking does. She’s infuriating.”

My mom gives me a tight hug. “The best of us are. Come on. Let’s get you to the airport. I know you’ll be stressed if we’re off schedule.”

On the plane I think a lot about the things that she said to me. I also think a lot about the things I said. I miss Ashland so fucking much that it twists my gut. Penny told me to move on, but I don’t think I can. Ashland left invisible scars. When I get off of the plane, I head straight to baggage claim and mess around on my phone. There's a gentle tap on my arm, and I turn to find Penny standing there biting her lip.

“Hey,” she says softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, like, scare you or anything. Actually, I did, then I decided to be nice.”

“You didn’t scare me. I’m just…Thanks for picking me up.”

Since the night I walked Penny home I’ve spoken to her a little bit. I think she feels bad for me, honestly. I never directly ask about Ash, but she tells me enough to make me hurt. Probably on purpose.

“Hopefully the Universe will send me some good karma for my generous deed.”

It should be awkward, but it’s not. The two of them don’t make you feel awkward. Maybe it’s their aura or whatever the fuck my mom would say, but they make you comfortable even if you shouldn’t be.

“How did your sculpture thing go?”

“It was fine." She inspects her nails, tapping her foot.

“So break was good?”

“Busy. Still busy. About to head to Chicago.”

“I forgot about the internship. Congratulations, by the way.”

“It’s gonna be fucking crazy, but I’m excited.”

That means Ashland is going to be left alone in that house. Guess Cole will find a way keep her company. There’s no way she keeps him cut off when she’s got no one else. My insides twist some fucking more.

“You gonna do anything for New Years?”

“Are you gonna show up and ruin it?”

I grab my bag and follow her out of the airport. The air is freezing. “No, just trying to make conversation or something.”

“It’s not necessary. I’m good with silence. I live with Ashland,” she laughs.

“Ashland isn’t fucking quiet.”

I’ve never been in Penny’s car before. Ashland was riding her board around or walking until I entered the picture. I can’t imagine she’s happy doing either of those things in the cold. It’s nothing special, but it fits Penny’s personality. It’s bright yellow, and the interior is a fucking wreck. There are clothes and shoes piled in the back seat, empty coffee cups in every single cup holder, and change tossed into the console. It looks similar to the inside of my car before Ashland returned it. She didn’t leave anything behind, making it spotless as if she never drove it at all.

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