Page 131 of Scrimmage

“Did she leave him, too?”

Penny rolls her eyes and settles into her chair, swiping her hair out of her face. “That’s not what I would call it, but they did break up. Before you ask, no, it wasn’t because he made her feel feelings, then called her a pocket pussy, then punched Cole in the face, and then got bailed out of jail. Well, the jail part, but that was different and unrelated.”

“She bailed him out of jail?”

“Yeah. Said she’d never fucking do it again, and there she was picking you up, even though it was really triggering for her.”

I once again made things difficult even when I didn’t mean to. “What did she tell you about us?”

“Almost everything.”

“Did she tell you I flew back over Thanksgiving to be with her?”

I don’t want to tell Penny about Ashland getting drugged. She was stressed, afraid that I had called her that morning, and I’m not about to betray her now.

“She left that part out.”

“She didn’t ask me to. It’s not like that. I wanted to do it, and she didn’t know until I was already here. We were on my couch, and she was upset. Then she left. She told me we were over, and she left. I asked her not to.”

“‘Don’t walk out of that door’ isn’t really an ask,” Penny points out.

“If I had gone after her then she would have been mad.”

“Probably not.”

“She would have punched me,” I reason.

“Maybe your face, but not your heart.”

“I like her, Penny.”

She shrugs. “Happens. Life sucks, then you die.”

I don’t even know what to make of that. “How do I make her forgive me?”

“Making her do shit is what landed you here in the first place. Personally, I say you do nothing. Even if you did manage to get her forgiveness, you’ll just hurt her all over again when you break up.”

“Why would we break up?”

Penny sighs dramatically like she’s explaining something to a child. She flips to a blank page in the sketch book and grabs a pencil.

“This is you.” She draws a circle. “This is Ashland.” She draws an X. “You are going this direction, and she is goingthisdirection.” She draws two arrows squiggling away from each other. “You can intersect here, where we are right now, but we'll all graduate next year. Say you make it that far with her, which you probably won’t, but say you do. Then what? Your lines are still going other places at the end of the day. Ashland isn’t going to want to be some football wife. She doesn’t want to be a football girlfriend either. You do that five year plan bullshit, I’m surprised you haven’t thought about this. You’d have to be obsessively in love with her and willing to change your entire life to follow her. Even then it might not work.”

I like Ashland. I do, but love? A whole life with her? I wasn’t thinking that far.

“I’m being selfish,” I realize.

“Precisely. I know it sucks, Koda. Breaking up isn’t fun for anyone involved. Sure, maybe she’ll take your sorry ass back, but Ashland is probably going to leave you again. Take the heartbreak now, or take it later. Next time it’s gonna hurt her less and you more. I don’t like you right now, but I only wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy. Understand?”

“Loud and clear.” I gather my things, including Ashland’s sketch book. Penny doesn’t stop me. I head for the door, but I stop and return to the seat I vacated.

“More Ashland questions?” She tosses the empty takeout into the trash bin and returns to her sculpture.

I may not be involved with her, but I don’t want to see her hurt anymore than I do. Ashland isn’t my enemy. Not anymore. That night she was drugged still haunts me, and just because we’re on a campus doesn’t make it safe. I remember the way Ash braved that storm for Penny, and if I’m not going to be there for her, I can make sure her best friend is. I can control that.

“Actually, no. I’ll walk you home when you’re done here. Neither of you should be alone this late at night.”

Penny gives me a hesitant look. “Alright. I listen to loud music though.”

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