Page 30 of Scrimmage

She comes over to my side of the table and pulls me into a hug. Penny’s hugs are the best in the world. I’m pretty sure she could create world peace with a hug if they would give her the chance.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I promise. Not by choice anyways.

“Wearen’t going anywhere,” she corrects me.

I take a deep breath, inhaling strawberries.

“Did you just fucking sniff me?” she giggles.

“Yeah, you got a problem?”

“Nope, not one." She hugs me tighter before releasing me, eyeing the sketchbook poking out of my bag. “Can I look?”

“Yeah." I hand it over. It’s still on the page of stars.

“Wow,” she muses. “I still think the ones you did on your arm are better, but this is a close second.”

I hold out my arm, comparing them. Nineteen tiny stars are sketched out inside of my elbow. Nineteen tiny stars that were left when I finally stopped dying. Nineteen tiny stars that I’ll never forget.

“Do you see these stars, Ashland?” he asks.

I nod my head timidly. This is another test, I’m sure. Something about this smells like death. The entire ceiling is covered with the glow-in-the-dark stars.

“These represent how much I love you, but you keep breaking my heart.” His voice is full of emotion as he pulls out a knife. He notches it behind one of the stars and wiggles it until it pops off, dropping onto the mattress. “Every single time you break my heart, I’m going to take one down. Each one will have a consequence. Love isn’t limitless, ya know?”

He has that wild look in his eyes. He’s high as shit, and that makes him unpredictable. He’s waiting for an answer.

“I know,” I croak, feeling tears threatening to fall.

“Oh, baby girl,” he croons, coming over and caressing my face. “Don’t cry, or you’ll get me hard.”

Evil. That’s the only thing that’s ever in his eyes. I can’t tell if I like his words or hate them anymore. They mean that he’s happy with me, and when he’s happy it doesn’t hurt as bad.

“When there aren’t any stars left, I’ll stop loving you. And you don’t want me to stop loving you, do you?”

I feel panic rising. It’s a warning. If everything that has happened was out of love, then who is he when he doesn’t love me anymore?

He pets my hair roughly, trying to determine if he’s going to rip it out or wrap it around his fist. “So, who do you belong to, Ashland?”

I gather my confidence and put it into my voice with everything I have. If I don’t, I might lose another star.

“You.”

Chapter Five

Ashland

I look at myself in the mirror once my makeup is done. It’s dark and smokey, just like how I feel inside. My dress is just a massive band tee that I washed in bleach, added studs and holes, and strung the deep v to make it look edgy. It makes my tits look great with my underboob tattoo peeking out.

Penny looks me up and down. “You look hot.”

“Great.” I roll my eyes. She knows I appreciate her compliment and that I just can’t say it.

“I mean it. You’re getting laid tonight.”

I won’t be getting laid. Instead, I’m going to get trashed, run away, and go to bed before anyone realizes I’m gone. I can’t refuse the party because then it'll disappoint Penny, and Cole by association. It’s just one stupid party. The two of them will get an in, and I can skip every single football party from here on out. Right now, they see me as their lifeline for the invite.

I hate Alexi for inviting me. Still, Penny is so damn excited that it’s rubbing off on me. It’s supposed to be a rager, so I probably won’t even see him. Cole picks us up, walking us across campus to the party. I check my phone. It’s already at twenty percent battery.

---