Page 206 of Scrimmage

I’m immediately awake despite my exhaustion. “She is?”

“No,” she giggles. “When I told her you were here she requested that I tell you to fuck yourself.”

I settle back into the couch. “Right.”

“But, in Ashland, that means she wants to see you.”

“I doubt that.”

She raises an eyebrow. “I consider myself an expert in the language of Ashland. Are you doubting me?”

“The last thing she said to me wasn’t…She made it clear she doesn’t want to see me again.”

“What was it?”

I don’t really want to tell her. If anyone knows all of our shit, it will be Penny.

“I love you."

She laughs. “Listen, Koda. I’ve witnessed plenty of fights with Ashland, much worse than that, unfortunately. That’s pretty bad, but there is worse.”

I bite my lip in indecision.

“If you’ve been through her phone, then you have some idea of our life. The pictures don’t do it justice. There was turmoil. She likes to push people until they leave, but you keep coming back. You’re like a boulder.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“You think before you speak,” she says candidly. “You’re consistent. She kicks and screams, but you don’t move. She told you her safe words, and you’re still here. You know how to take her shit and dish it back. People get angry sometimes, especially Ash, but that’s not a forever feeling. She’s passionate, and I think you are, too.”

Out of all of the things I thought Penny would say to me, it wasn’t any of this.

“You love her,” she continues. “You’ve got to show her and keep showing her. She’s been through a lot. She doesn’t know up from down most times, but her mind is a beautiful and wild place if you let her show you. You can try to smash that feeling she gives you down, but it’ll never go away. Trust me. I’ve got receipts.”

“What do I say?”

“Something to piss her off I’d imagine. She’s in the hospital, and she’s terrified. The last time she was in one was the worst night of her life, and she had to do it alone,” she says sadly.

“This wasn’t the worst night of her life?”

“No.” She doesn’t offer an explanation.

“Ashland isn’t going to let me just walk back into her life,” I reason.

“Seems like you’re trying to, but I’m not going to let you use her like a revolving door. Maybe I’m wrong about you, but I don’t think that I am.”

I’ve always valued football, but after Ashland, my thoughts became seventy-five percent about her and twenty-five percent about my career. I make my decision. “You’re sure she wants to see me?”

“Room one hundred and fifty-four." She stands. “I’m going to take Sinclair to the hotel and shower.”

“You’re not going to stay?”

“She doesn’t need me right now. Plus, she’s got the biggest asshole I’ve ever met watching her. I think it’ll be fine.”

And she’s goddamn right. She does. She starts to leave, pausing in the doorway. “She wants pudding.”

I take a moment to thank whatever entity made this possible. They kept Ashland alive. Instead of someone taking pictures of a homicide, she’s laying in a room royally pissed off. I prefer her that way. I may have taken Ashland’s death from her, but I’ll give her everything I have in return.

My hand turns the handle, and I step into a dark room with a lamp on in the corner. Monitors are beeping with a steady heart rate.

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