Page 181 of Scrimmage

My beautiful wife Ashland,

I feel like taking a knife and cutting my eyes out. I grab the kettle from the stove and throw it for good measure.

I miss you every single day. They took you from me. I forgive you for the confusion they’ve all caused. I am; however, disappointed that you didn’t trust me. I thought you understood that I would never let anything happen to you, and now you’re out there in the world without me to protect you. I’m sorry for the stars. There was no amount of disappointment that you could inflict that wouldn’t have taken me with you. Not even number twenty.

I have chills. I still see him smugly sitting there in chains behind that desk. Even through the one sided glass of the interrogation room he somehow turned to face me, refusing to let me have one moment out of his hold. He watched me like a fucking psycho with sadness on his face. Sadness. Like he can actually feel sad. He’s a sociopath, but it took me years to understand that.

You have broken your vows, but I’ll never break mine. To love and to cherish until death do us part, but we both know that’s not true. Death is endless. My only solace is that I know we’ll be back together soon. I made you a promise, baby girl, and I don’t break my promises.

Love,

Damien

The tears stream down my face, dripping onto the piece of paper. The ink blooms like a flower, just like the blood did on his shirt. I cry harder. I couldn’t just stay calm for one second and explain it to Koda. Instead, I said things I’ll never be able to take back. If he read this letter he probably saw some poor lonely man that misses his wife. With his bullshit about being back together soon I’m sure Koda believed it was true. I kept telling him we would end, and this would drive that nail into the wood.

Wait. He said we’ll be back together soon. The tears turn panicked. Why the fuck would he do that? I try to remember the day that I got this. I came home and it was sitting on the kitchen counter. I had a missed call from Jeremy and figured it was this. Jeremy wouldn’t have just dropped something like this off even if it was from Memphis. In fact, he wouldn’t have brought it at all. Even if he had, Koda tore it open, but isn’t Jeremy supposed to do that first?

“You are so goddamn beautiful when you cry.”

The words slice through me, but the voice isn't quite right.

“Cole? What are you doing here?”

“I saw Koda leave. It’s the first time he hasn’t been glued to your side. He looked pretty pissed. Did something happen?”

“I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want to see you again.”

He chuckles, looking up at the ceiling and settling his hands on his waist. “You tend to say that a lot. I’ve been worried about you.”

“Well, don’t.”

Something feels off. He strides over and snatches the letter from between my fingertips, giving me a paper cut. He pulls a lighter out of his pocket and sets it on fire. “Ya know, I regret delivering this. Damien never deserved you.”

My brain is short circuiting. “How do you know who that is?”

There’s something on Cole’s face that's wild. He looks like he has lost his fucking mind. His pupils are blown out. Psychotic. “Come on, Ash. You can’t tell me that you don’t see the similarities. That you don’t even remember me.”

I scan his face. It takes me three times to see it. Amber. His amber puppy dog eyes. I wasn’t looking for it, so I never saw it. Now I see the shape of his face. His build is similar to Damien’s, but smaller. Most of the men wore masks to hide their identity.

“My brother is a fuck up, but me? I’m a nice guy. You don’t have to chain a girl down to keep her. You just take her to the beach.”

The beach. The beach. The fucking beach. My fifteenth birthday.

“You were there,” I realize. “You were there.”

Before Damien had Yang there was another. I never knew what had happened to him. Now he’s staring at me.

“I was the one who suggested it, Ash. I thought you should have a good birthday. Get some fresh air. I thought that Damien would be coked out of his mind, but no. The fucker decided to stay sober. We were going to run away together. Then Yang had to show up and ruin it all. Became Damien’s new favorite.” Cole purses his lips. “No matter. He’s not here. I’m going to save you this time.”

Cole is delusional. Not the funny, ha ha, I’m delusional, LOL kind, but the real one.

“I thought you’d see how perfect we are. I didn’t want to break you. That’s Damien’s thing.” He waves his hand dismissively, advancing on me until he has me trapped against the counter. “But then stupid Koda fucking Armory justhadto have you.”

While Cole continues to rant, I keep my eyes trained on him, trying to see everything in my immediate surroundings. There’s a skillet on the stove. If I could get the drawer open, there’s a knife. There are shards of plates, but they’re too far away. I may not have ended Damien, but Cole? I have a better chance this time. I know better, and I have more to work with.

“But then,” he pulls a gun out of the back of his pants, “You’d wake up as if we never made love at all.”

I swallow the panic. “What are you talking about?”

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