Page 165 of Scrimmage

He grips my chin. “Say please."

“Make me,” I snap.

Crack. His palm meets my face. I shamelessly moan. He gets a sick sense of enjoyment out of this just like me. Every time he hits me, he gets harder inside of me. He covers my mouth when I start to talk back again, and I bite his hand. The surprise on his face is momentary before he digs his fingers into my cheeks. He forces my face to the side and leans over, biting into my neck like a fucking vampire.

I squeal and claw at him, but he doesn’t let up, slamming into me. It hurts, and it feels fucking good. I’m grounded in these moments with him. He digs his teeth into every inch of my shoulder. My nails dig into his back, probably drawing blood. It only seems to drive him more. It occurs to me that there wasn’t a world where we didn’t land right back here, despite our massive not-breakup over Thanksgiving. Junkies never recover if they don’t really want to. They find excuses to end up right back where they started. Sex with Koda is fucking incredible. It’s the best high I’ve ever had. If he was a drug, I would take it so much that I would overdose just like my momma, and it would be the best thing to ever happen to me.

Again. Again. Again. I’m raw and still begging with tears streaming down my cheeks by the time he finally releases me. My body is bruised, bloody, and broken. I can hardly keep my eyes open. He isn’t even under the sheets by the time I’m starting to drift off.

“Ashland." He pulls me into him.

“Hm?”

“I want you to be my girlfriend.”

“Ugh, Koda,” I groan. “This again?”

“I’m serious,” he laughs, brushing my hair out of my face.

“No.”

“You can say we’re together or whatever bullshit you cook up, but you’re my fucking girlfriend.”

“You’re my human dildo,” I smirk against the pillow.

He audibly rolls his eyes. “What the fuck ever. If you really want to say that to people, be my guest, but you’re my girlfriend.”

“Okay, human dildo.”

“Jesus." He brushes his fingers against a bite, and it stings. I’m too tired to care. Tomorrow I’ll look like a domestic violence victim, and I’m fine with that if it means the human dildo gives me the full treatment.

“Shut up. Sleeping.”

“Goodnight, baby girl.”

I smash my face further into the pillow. “Blah.”

It's the last thing I manage to say out loud, but my mind still wanders. Today was the best day I’ve ever had in my entire life that didn’t include Penny. I hate that he holds that kind of power, but I know Penny will be ecstatic. Koda called me his girlfriend, and I secretly love it.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Ashland

I’m lying in bed when I get a text from Penny saying she’s got to cancel movie night again. I expected it. She’s insanely busy at the internship. I’m glad we aren’t doing it. I’m in a mood. Koda is out of town, and I’m spiraling. Aggravated. Seeing Damien. It’s sad that Koda is the only thing that’s keeping me together, and he doesn’t even know it. The next thing I get is a group text. Penny sends a picture of some fancy showing, and they start going at it. Buzz. Buzz. Fucking buzz.

I throw my phone to the side and huff, staring up at the ceiling at the nineteen stars I pasted up there earlier tonight. You’d think, after everything, that I wouldn’t ever want to see stupid glow-in-the-dark stars again, but I do. Maybe I haven’t healed. Maybe I never will, but those nineteen stupid stars remind me that I’m alive. That I’m here. That I’m a failure. Some would say the opposite, but I don’t really give a shit what everyone else says.

I get up, not able to sleep, and grab paints from Penny’s studio. I don’t bother acting remotely organized when I get back into my room. My phone buzzes with a phone call, driving me crazy. I grab it, not bothering to look at who it is to send it to voicemail, and accidentally answer.

“Stop calling me,” I answer angrily.

“Somehow I’m always surprised that you’re a bitch,” Koda says on the other end.

I take a look at the caller ID. Micropenis has now been changed to Human Dildo. “I’m sorry, I thought you were…Why the fuck are you calling me?”

“Wondered what you were doing.”

I’m confused. I stand in the center of my room, frozen. I know things have changed between us. That’s what he wanted. It’s what I secretly wanted, but a phone call while he’s out of town still feels weird.

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