Page 156 of Scrimmage

It’s still my favorite book. Looking for Alaska. It’s not kid content, but I wasn’t really a kid anymore. I hadn’t been for a long time. When he asked my age he seemed surprised and hesitant. One look at all of us, and he conceded. Memphis kept his mouth shut, grateful that someone else was holding my attention.

I never got his name, or maybe I did and I don’t remember. He went over the book, explaining the themes and teaching me how to identify them. He had highlighted passages and written in the margins. The suffering. The labyrinth. The relationships between the characters. He answered every stupid question I asked with no impatience. At the end of our dinner, Memphis was urging us to leave because if our father got home before us then it would be bad news. The guy handed me the worn out book. Gifted it to me. This man who had nothing gave me something that he valued. That had never happened before.

“She’s a psychic?” I ask skeptically.

“Swear.”

“So you believe in the Universe and shit?”

“Not really.” Koda shrugs. “What do you believe in?”

I think about it only for a moment. He’s seen my sketch book. There isn’t a question as to what those pages contain. “Good and evil. You?”

“Mm,” he rumbles in his chest. “Right and wrong.”

I take the opportunity to get what I want. He wouldn’t fuck me earlier, but if I press the right buttons he will now. I straddle him, and his hands trail my hips lightly. I can feel him underneath me.

“Which one is your favorite?” I whisper into his ear.

He focuses, that sharp jaw fighting the urge to take more. “You.”

“But I’m wrong,” I reason.

“So am I,” he murmurs on my lips.

For a split second I think that he might do it. Koda might give me more, but I’m hoisted into the air and set on my feet. I avoid talking about my shit, but it turns out I’m not the only one. I wonder what happened to make the world so black and white to him. And why the fuck is he so insistent on making me his girlfriend?

“You’ve been in a fucking mood. What’s your deal?”

Penny came to visit for the weekend. Apparently, she has things to do for Valentine’s day, so I had to settle for the weekend before. Since my date with Koda is Saturday, it ended up working out.

“What do you think my deal is?” I snap.

“Geez. Is your boyfriend not dicking you down? I haven’t seen you like this since Freshman year when you tried to go sex sober.”

“He…Ugh,” I growl. “No, he’s not.”

“So that’s why you’re smashing things?” She glances down at the cutting board where a potato, banana, and a carrot are all smashed to hell with a mallet.

“I don’t fucking get it,” I continue, dropping it and leaning back onto the counter. “He’s being a little bitch just because I won’t tell him I’m his girlfriend.”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“No, I’m not fucking kidding!”

“Just say you’re his girlfriend. It’s pretty easy. ‘Hi. I’m Ashland. I’m Koda’s girlfriend’. That’s it.”

“We’reexclusive,” I correct her.

“Oh my God, I cannot with you. Just fucking say it, Ash. It won’t kill you.”

“It will.”

“It won’t.”

“We’re not going to be together for long so there’s no point in putting a label on it.”

“You’re afraid to be broken up with.” That actually makes Penny fucking laugh, and I think about hitting her with the mallet. “I know you’ve got issues, but Koda likes you. A lot. He’s taking you on a fucking date. Just rip off the band-aid, tell him you’re his girlfriend, and have the orgasm of a lifetime.”

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