Page 120 of Scrimmage

“You’re not here,” I realize. “This is just a nightmare.”

He squints his eyes at me. “Waking up to me making you breakfast is a nightmare for you?”

“You’re at home, wherever the fuck that is, and I’m…asleep? God, I have got to start sleeping.”

He crosses his arms. “Colorado. That’s where I’m from. You’re awake, Ash. You’re in my condo. I know you’re confused.”

“That’s a fucking understatement.”

I feel panic, and I don’t want to let the anxiety get a hold of me but it is. It’s clawing out of my chest, and Koda must see it because he comes around the counter andhugsme. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest, and I can’t tell if I’m better or worse.

“I flew back in late last night. That’s why I missed your calls.”

“I called you?” My voice is muffled. I sag in his arms letting the initial shock dissipate. “I don’t remember.”

He squeezes me tighter. “I know you don’t.”

“I didn’t drink that much, I swear.” Tears are burning my eyes, and I absolutely cannot cry them right now or that will make this so much worse. “What did I do?”

“Nothing, baby girl.” He buries his face in my hair. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I brought you back here.”

“Why?” It’s an all encompassing question. Why did you fly back? Why did you bring me here? Why, why, why? Maybe some hows, too.

He takes a deep breath. “Someone drugged you at that party.”

My body goes rigid. How could I not see it? It’s not the first time it’s happened, but it’s been a long time. I should know the fucking signs.

“It’s alright, okay? You were in Smith’s bathroom.”

“Oh my God.” I try to pull away, but he doesn’t let me. “Your teammate fucking found me passed out? Who else knows? Fucking hell. This is embarrassing. This is the least cunty behavior ever.”

“Are you actually trying to blame yourself for being drugged, without knowing it, by someone else?”

“You told me not to go.”

“I told you not to go with Cole. I have two brain cells. I didn’t expect you to fucking stay home the entire time. If you had told me Penny would be out of town I wouldn’t have left.”

“How do you know? Oh my god. Did you call Penny?”

“I didn’t,” he says slowly. “I guess she and Alexi went to the airport together.”

I had forgotten about that.

“Where was Cole?” he demands.

“I don’t know. We got into a fight after I got off the phone with you, and he left.”

“Piece of fucking shit,” Koda growls into my hair. “What was the fight about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

He sighs and picks me up. My legs reflexively wrap around his waist and my arms around his neck with my face buried in his chest. This just keeps getting worse and worse, but I don’t want to run away yet. There’s nowhere to run to that will make me less confused or less vulnerable. He carries me to the couch and lays down, leaving me on top of him.

“What did he say to you?”

“It really doesn’t matter, Ko. I should go home.” I try to sit up and he pulls me flush against him, running his fingers through my hair.

“It matters to me.” His words are quiet, but he said them.

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