Page 78 of Masks and Mishaps

Me

My hands are big. I struggle with the locks

You wouldn’t get it. You two are lucky you have dainty fingers

Evergreen

My dainty third finger is currently pointed right at the ceiling, asshole

Me

Pains me to admit I actually am in a bathroom but I’m not trapped

Lan the Man

Fine. Is Code Purple for when you’ve accidentally made a marriage pact

Because I know you’re in like three of those

They’re all going to show up on your thirtieth birthday

Me

Relax, it’s only two pacts

Evergreen

HOW do you accidentally join multiple marriage pacts??

Me

Not sure what else you do when you’re waiting in line for coffee…?

Code Purple means I made a mess

Need help

Are neither of you fucks going to respond

Evergreen

Sorry—trying to figure out how to leave a group text

Lan the Man

I’m nauseous. Call your mom. She dealt with this twenty-nine years ago and she can do it again

Me

Wait. I didn’t mean like a bathroom mess. It’s more of an arts and crafts mess

Good to know you guys would abandon me in my time of need though.

No jobs AND no loyalty

Lan the Man

Get fucked. Before this, I was literally in the middle of typing the most thoughtful text about your stream with Essie

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