Page 59 of Masks and Mishaps

“First of all, this is gin. Second, I’m six-foot-five anda half. And third, you’re both right. Essie’s done with me.”

“Doubt it. Essie adores you,” Lander reminds me.

“But somewhere between the free-use clause, putting my dick on her face and not letting her suck it, and ordering the wrong eggs at brunch, I made her realize I’m unsalvageable,” I deadpan. “And I don’t know…I love her. I’ve been in love with her since the moment I met her, and the idea of never being able to fully love her makes me literally want to die.”

Lander and Everett don’t react at first, which is annoying. They both just stare, expressions blank, before they glance at each other. After a beat, Everett faces me. “You know it’s not enough.”

Now I’m the one who’s quiet at first. “Are you saying I have to earn her? That’s what you two did. You—” I look at Lander. “You learned Spanish and took some dick pics. And you—” I face Everett. “I don’t know, Ev. You were basically throwing spaghetti at a wall. You tried, like, thirty-eight things, including some…light bribery.”

“Wasn’t light,” Everett replies, smirking.

“Look, I’m trying,” I insist. “After my parents’ divorce, I spiraled, I know, but I’ve been focusing on work, going to therapy, and I haven’t done anything but weed in eighteen months. Things were getting better, but then our parents got engaged—”

“Wait, is that why you two never hooked up?” Lander cuts in. “I thought Essie was the one who wanted to wait.”

“No, I knew she deserved better—”

“Hey, hold on.” Lander shakes his head. “Essie is exceptionally special to me. She took care of Valeria before I was around, and I’ll be forever grateful to her. I’d doanythingfor her.”

“Same,” Everett agrees, bobbing his head. “I sleep better at night knowing Cora still has Essie if anything ever happens to me.”

“She deserves the best of everything,” Lander continues. “Full stop. Money. Love. Happiness. All of it. In fact, she even deserves a guy who woke up thirty minutes early every day until college because he wanted to make sure his best friend didn’t wake up alone after his parents died.”

“Agreed. And she also deserves a guy who brought dinner to his two best friendsevery nightfor months while they were studying for the bar,” Everett adds.

“Guys—”

“And she deserves someone who picked Valeria up from the airport at three in the morning when I had strep throat, stopped to get her food, and also did her laundry while she was asleep so she could wake up to clean clothes and an empty suitcase,” Lander continues.

“And she definitely deserves someone who Cora Flores has officially referred to as ‘her favorite person she’s never fucked.’”

“Shit. High praise,” Lander mentions, facing Everett.

“Right?”

I dip my chin. “Essie said as much about me too,” I admit, remembering her calling meperfect. “But it’s hard. My dad—”

“Is irrelevant at this point,” Everett interjects, and his green eyes narrow like they always do when he thinks about his father. “Trust me: If a shitbag dad isn’t willing to do us a favor and die like Lan’s did, it’s your right to cut him out.”

I take a deep breath. “Okay, let’s say I’m good enough for her. Shestilldoesn’t want to be together, but she’s set on this camming arrangement. I just…I’m missing something.”

“It’s debt,” Everett concludes. “Have you offered to pay her loans? Or her brothers’ loans?”

“She said no.”

“Because of her pride?” Everett chuckles. “Don’t know what that’s like. Cora just takes my money.” His expression is delighted.

“It’s because Essie doesn’t have any loans,” Lander comments, dropping that little nugget like it’s nothing.

I freeze. “What?”

“Last month, she said she was considering buying Cora’s condo after she graduates,” Lander explains, “and since it used to be mine, she asked for a copy of the inspection report. She said she has enough for the down payment.”

“So…she lied to me?” But before I can speculate about why, my phone lights up. I’m hit with a wave of optimism that it’ll be Essie saying she wants to talk, but the wave flattens into foam when I see a text from my mother.

“Are you going to ignore that one too?” Everett asks, eyeing me. “I know you’ve been ignoring both your parents’ texts. Keep ignoring Frank—”

“Godplease,” Lander chimes in.

---