Page 118 of Masks and Mishaps

“I’m so in love with you, Essie. I don’t know where this feeling ends. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe this is it.”

Essie is nodding as I speak. “That feeling in your veins. It’s everywhere, isn’t it?”

I nod too. “It’s brilliant, right?”

“It’s everything,” she agrees, beaming. “So, you’re with me?”

“Doubt you need my help, but I am. Always.”

“Well, you’re right. I could pull his banking information and frame him for wire fraud or even insider trading—”

“So hot, babe.”

“—but I think I can do better.”

“Better than twenty years in a federal prison?”

Essie’s brow rises. “I’m not at all surprised you know the penalty for insider trading off the top of your head,” she says as my front door opens to reveal Lander, Valeria, Everett, and Cora…

…and I’m still in my underwear, handcuffed to a chair, with my girlfriend in my lap.

Normal. So normal. Just a regular Monday night with this friend group, frankly.

“I called reinforcements,” Essie explains.

Cora’s expression is equal parts amused and intrigued. “You two are legitimately too horny to function.”

“We function perfectly,” Essie declares before facing me. “I can’t think of a better team.”

“And I’m not cuffed for fun. It’s for restraint,” I clarify. “But I’ll add: I’m very into this.”

“Restraint?” Valeria asks as she walks two bottles of wine to my counter.

“We’re going to murder someone,” I announce. “And Everett is going to help me bury the body.”

In a move that surprises nobody, Lander frowns. “Wait.JustEverett?” His blue eyes narrow, and he murmurs, “You two love to exclude me.”

I sigh. “Everett knows the woods, Lander.”

Everett scoffs and heads into the kitchen, where he takes the wine opener out of a drawer. “I’m not helping you hide a body in the woods,” he says as he cuts the foil from a bottle. “We should dump it in the Chesapeake Bay.”

And before I can respond, Lander grabs a bottle of whiskey off the bar and takes an enormous—possibly life threatening—gulp. Slamming the bottle down, he grins, wipes the back of his mouth with his hand, and declares, “Payback, fuckface.”

I genuinely have no clue what he’s talking about, but he’s smirking like he just taught a masterclass in the art of revenge, so I shrug. “Yeah, you win, Lan.”

Lander’s expression brightens. “Baby, hear that? We’re even for the graham crackers.”

Valeria stares at him longer than normal, sighs, and faces Essie. “Anyway, you should do Operation Frame Game.”

“What’s that?”

“This guy I went on a date with once stole my credit card. Essie found his mother and mailed her framed photos of his sexts,” Cora answers, waving her hand like it’s nothing. “It’s a great plan B, but hear me out: Hofbräuhaus Guy.”

“Oh, I love the idea,” Essie muses, biting her lip. “That wasfun.”

“Who is he?” I demand. “Am I going to have to kill him too?”

“Two and a half years ago, this guy at the Hofbräuhaus in Munich spilled an entire liter of beer on me, so Essie posted his picture online with a bounty saying anyone who could find him and pour a liter of beer on him would get a hundred euros,” Valeria explains. “The guy was drenched within fourteen minutes.”

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