Page 94 of Before Now

“Yeah,” he says. “Concern. I told Heath you were acting off. Which he agreed. The subject shifts to Adams, and the vibe changes with you. In all the time we’ve worked together, not once have you missed a deadline. Hell, Heath wanted to come himself to scorch earth based on those things alone. The interviews with Adams are essential, whether you’re giving the middle finger to Mac Records or not. It’s a scene you, of all people, should be salivating over. But you’re putting it off and giving flimsy excuses.”

The fight leaves me because he’s right. Even though I’ve refused to focus solely on Adams from the beginning, before Prague, a day-one nonnegotiable shot was his interview.

I look away, suddenly feeling responsible for the mess. Maybe not directly, but I fed them every reason to go down the path. “So, Heath went to the label?”

“After checking with Glory and Nate if they noticed anything, yeah. Well, I checked with them. Can you imagine if Heath called those two, demanding answers? Can you imagine Heath not losing it on everyone when it comes to you? His heart might not beat, but whatever powers him is protective as fuck of you.”

“The lifeblood of innocents, mostly.”

He huffs a laugh, and I return my gaze to him, his still serious. “I have no idea what was said to their manager. They wanted someone on tour, and I offered. Heath threatened every facet of my life and bought me a ticket here.”

“Sounds like him,” I whisper.

Xander studies me before a half-shrug. “Tell me what you would have done, Rem. With everything you’ve experienced around this industry, I know the answer isn’t pretend to not notice.”

I can’t disagree from his perspective, but I own the full story as to why I acted differently about Adams. Because Adams is Foster. And Foster is a direct link to what I’ve spent so long avoiding at all costs. Even now, the tightness creeps into my chest, my muscles bunching, mind bucking against the possibility of going there.

But Foster’s also where I want to be. He makes me wonder if I can say the bad aloud and tell him why I left the way I did. All the regrets and stupid decisions and the weight of them.

I almost attempted to on the bus when I couldn’t stand the idea of him not being on the other side of the curtain. Then I choked on the words, and he kissed me.

“Adams has his reasons for avoiding the interview, and I’m being respectful. If I thought it was truly detrimental to the documentary, I would go to Christian. Like you said, I’ve experienced a lot on sets. I know what makes me uncomfortable and when my lines have been crossed, Xander. I understand you and Heath were trying to protect me, but I didn’t need it. Now…” I lift a hand only for it to drop. “Now,” I say, letting it encompass the mess in its entirety.

Xander blows out air. “I’m sorry if I overstepped, but I won’t apologize for worrying about you. I won’t stop either. Not only because I care about you, but because I promised to watch out for you.”

I manage a small smile at the welcome reminder. “You also promised to keep your hands off me. We both know that didn’t happen.”

“Nope. Not before and not after.”

“But none of that matters. Sex was always whatever with us. You need to talk to me the next time you’re worried—and I mean really talk to me—because we’refriendsabove all else, Xan. First and always, right?”

The question pulls double duty. No one’s motives are pure. Humans are too inherently selfish for entirely selfless acts. Xander’s concern I believe, but I also think he inserted himself to guarantee nothing sexual happens in regard to me. Consensual included.

“Right. First and always,” he says, a little too enthusiastic, but I’m confident we’re on the same page. “I really am here to help, Remi, not just play bodyguard. Your mentor’s mine too. Heath just likes you more. Unless it comes to torture, then I’m his favorite.”

I nod, emphasizing my agreement. “I’m sure wiggling out of Heath duty was devastating for you. Please tell me you found a fill for his assistant. He will be insufferable if not.”

“I found one, but we both know he’ll be insufferable regardless.”

I almost laugh. I would if the world didn’t feel so heavy. Xander gives anawwwhen I frown, and he wraps an arm around me, hugging me to his side. It only lasts a second before I step back and his arm falls, but in that two-blink period, Foster emerges from the dark shadows near the stage, homed in on us.

My heart plummets, more damage occurring between us in real time.

He shakes his head as he walks away, a smile spreading, but it’s cruel and pointed. He disappears down the hallway for the dressing room, and I toss a fake smile at Xander.

“I’ll see you after the show.” I take my bag so he can go to the front of house. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Then I head for the same hallway. It’s empty when I round the corner, the angry rock star already inside where the cold professionalism will no doubt continue from everyone. Even knowing all the details, I’m unsure of my next step.

I pause at the door, looking up and preparing myself for whatever happens on the other side. But when I push down on the handle, it doesn’t budge. No give at all.

They locked me out. The band fucking locked me out.

Or at least the last person to walk in did.

* * *

I throwthe door open to the band’s dressing room after the concert. The handle on the other side bangs into the wall behind it as I charge in.

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