Page 16 of Before Now

When I hear the pop of gum, I glance out of the corner of my eye. The tiny blonde beside me rolls her eyes. For as annoyed as Lee looks at the moment, the gleam in her eyes lets on how fascinated she is seeing one of her acts blown up in vinyl. I let my mouth tip up on one side, which seems to have the usual thawing effect on my agent.

She heads inside the label’s building with a less irritated head shake. I stay a little longer. Let my gaze trail from one end of the bus to the other one more time.

Lee has a strappy heel planted to hold the door when I reach the elevator. Leaning on the railing beside her, I hang my head back and close my eyes, enjoying a brief reprieve from the chaos of nonstop rehearsals and interviews over the past few weeks. A break from the tour rarely means slowing down.

“Are you happy at least?” Lee asks.

I’m thinking about the bus again and the past few weeks of rehearsals when the elevator doors part. My eyes open and instantly lock onto the curves on the far side of the room. Remi’s showing Dev how to hook up the mic pack we’ll all be using while recording the documentary. Since she met with the execs earlier, she has on a cap-sleeved black blazer and pinstriped pants that flare at her ankles. Business at first glance, but the ripped graphic tee peeks through the opening of her blazer, and whenever she steps, crimson toenails and a toe ring flash. All the rebellion simmering just below the surface.

The muscles of my jaw work beneath the skin as I follow Lee off the elevator. “As close as I can be.”

Lee crosses to the window overlooking the building’s main parking. The other luxury tour bus sits below. No faces or specific branding on this one other than the same black and red. I trace my finger over the glass, following one of the lines on the bus.

“Close is good enough so long as you act like you’re in heaven every time that camera lands on you.” Lee folds her arms. Very serious. “The label ate up all the shit about throwbacks, and now…”

Now I spend four months on the road, sleeping on a cot rather than in hotels. No personal space, the combined stench of the entire band, and no more than twenty feet from the worst thing I ever let into my life.

I drop my hand and rotate enough it looks like I’m talking to Lee, but my full attention swings toward the other side of the room again. Felix is fucking with one of the handheld cams, not listening to Remi’s tutorial.

“Just remember,” Lee whispers, her body a wall between me and the others, “happy or not, this is what you wanted. It might not have come about the way you thought it would, but you need to live with the consequences.”

It is what I wanted when I chased her down and begged on my fucking knees, swearing to her I knew I was meant for this. I still know it. Even the idea of being on that stage, me and the crowd, is the only thing that settles me. The only place I’ve always wanted to be—sweat dripping, air pulsing, and adrenaline pounding.

“I’ve got this,” I tell her. I even manage to drag my attention from Remi to look her in the eye. “Although if you’re concerned with someone acting out, this is a conversation you need to be having with Felix, not me.”

Lee hesitates a little, checking over her shoulder toward my bandmates. “Maybe. But Felix isn’t the golden boy.”

I shake my head. I don’t even try to hide the grimace. The fact Lee and the label see Of Men and Wolves as two distinct parts has always pissed me off. The three of us come as a package. No trades, substitutions, or buyouts.

Before we end up drawing blood, Lee sighs. “Just remember, all you have to do is make sure this documentary and tour go the way the label wants, and you’re fucking set, Adams.”

“Right. Just the documentary and tour. And the next album. And the music vids for the singles. And whatever they want after that.”

She snorts, her attention traveling to the others across the room. “You want freedom? Be Foster. The label and fans own Adams North. The sooner you accept that, the smoother your ride to the top.”

Lee’s barely finished with her lecture when she marches toward Felix, who’s seconds from tucking the hand cam down the front of his pants. Colton moves to intervene too, but Remi proves them both unnecessary when she swats his hand away, careful to grab onto the camera so he won’t drop it. She narrows a glare at him and rips off some tape from under the neck of his shirt. If I had to guess, it was attached to hair given how fast he goes from smirk to snarl. Remi throws him an innocent smile and finishes attaching the mic.

When her gaze lifts to meet mine, her cheeks take on a red tinge, and then she’s looking away.

I make her uncomfortable. Fuck if that doesn’t piss me off.

Colton’s chuckling when he waltzes over to me. “Looks like our little lioness will have all of you in line before we embark on this party bus.” He taps a knuckle on the glass and nods to the bus below. “Not as tacky as I expected. Although, they could have thrown a giant picture of your face up there just so I’d have something to laugh at.”

I half-smile. “You haven’t seen the other bus in the back lot.”

My best friend cracks a grin. “Fuck yes. I’m holding this over you until we’re dead.”

He shoves me, not gently. I’m flipping him off and rebalancing as Christian reaches us. He has on his business eyebrows, slightly lowered with a line creased between. I already know what he wants. Remi’s been interviewing all morning to get our thoughts on the documentary. She’s already sat down Dev and Felix, even managed to get Christian to play respectable long enough for his shots. I’ve conveniently been busy every second until now.

“She needs half an hour,” he says.

Remi’s finished with Felix, and she snags the spy glasses from Dev. With the wave of a hand, she dismisses them. Lee steers them out the door, no doubt to make sure Felix doesn’t destroy anything without Remi’s supervision. Colt starts to follow them but pauses, tossing a look back at me.

“Can I trust you to play nice, or do I need to hang around?”

“Whose security are you?” I ask, feigning offense.

“She’s a nice girl.” He shrugs. “Don’t ruin her, yeah?”

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