Page 144 of Before Now

By the endof the night, my picture’s plastered online.

Nothing concrete, but half a dozen shots of Adams North andthe girlon tour with him. No mention of the documentary or my name, but fuzzy images of me with my legs wrapped around him, his hands on my ass. His mouth shamelessly devouring mine. Those are amplified by one of me tucked under his arm when the fans were rough.

It’s the most visible I’ve been. Not only in the last several years but in my life.

“Baby, I’m so fucking sorry.” Foster takes his phone from my hand, pocketing it.

We’re tucked away backstage in a dark hallway, my back pressed to the wall. Christian gave him a heads-up right after the encore and sent him screenshots.

He braces his arm on the wall above me and tips my chin up with his fingers. His pale eyes shift between mine, analyzing what I imagine is a blank look. The rest of me blanks too. My reaction’s not as bad as I expected. Blank beats unable to breathe.

“This is my fault. No one would care if I didn’t maul you when I came off stage the last two shows.”

I swallow, blinking out of the initial shock. “It was bound to happen.”

“No. I promised we’d do this on your terms, Remi. Then I put a spotlight right on us.” He shakes his head, and his nostrils flare. “How can I make this right?”

The answer isn’t one I want to give, but I’m so overwhelmed and exhausted. “I think I should go back to New York.”

His eyes crush closed when he winces. “Fuck.”

“The key scenes are done,” I tell him. “Xander’s more than capable of finishing up with the other two. He can use my questions for your interviews, and I’ll be back for the last one when the tour wraps.”

“Sounds miserable.” Foster’s lashes flutter open, and he adds, “For me.”

I reach up and drag my fingers over his jaw. Stubble scrapes the tips. “It’s just too much at once for me right now. My feet aren’t even back under me after what you told me yesterday. About you, Sage, the lake, and now I realize why you resented me so much. Because of me, you weren’t there for Chase?—”

“That’s not yours to claim, Remi,” he says, cutting me off. “That regret is all mine.”

I disagree but let him have it.

“Still, I haven’t finished processing what all of it means. Then add the stress of filming and being on the road. And now my picture’s going to be everywhere.”

“You’re safe.” He clutches the side of my face. “If that’s what you’re worried about…”

I flash a small smile. “I know.”

And I mean it. The panic over my photo being public is fading. I just needed the parts of me that believe no one will hunt me down because of them to catch up.

After living in fear, some preservation tendencies never fully vanish. The gut reactions remain, the instinct to run or hide threatens to take hold before all else. Fear is meant to protect us, and sometimes you need to talk it down. I might not have the healthiest dialogue with mine, but it’s at least taking my calls.

I touch the side of his neck. “But if I stay, there will be more pictures. People will be trying to figure out who I am. It’ll probably get more intense since, as far as I know, you haven’t been seriously linked to anyone.”

“No one,” he confirms. “You’re right, though. They won’t stop anytime soon.”

“I’m not ready for that added battle yet. Colton said Felix is having trouble because he’s needing to fight his demons while under a spotlight now. I’ve witnessed him struggling more the longer the tour goes on.”

His head bobs. “I’m watching him. We all are.”

“Good.” I knew he would be, but it feels better hearing him verify. “And like you said, we’ll be under one now too. I can’t do what I need to right now. You’ve already helped me heal more than I ever thought I would. I’m not all the way there yet, but I want to be—I think Icanbe whole again one day. So much of that has to do with you. I just need to give myself a better chance to get there before taking on the world too.”

The muscles of his jaw tighten, gaze studying me for reassurance or an alternative, I’m unsure, but he must find whatever he needed.

“Shit.” He gently brushes his lips over mine, a resigned sigh following as his thumb sweeps across my cheek. “I meant what I said last night. I’ll let you leave, but I won’t let you go. I’ll find a way to be there, even if it’s in pieces for a while. You know my conditions, Remi—anything you need as long as I keep you.”

41

FOSTER

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