Page 132 of Before Now

The countdown restarts, but I’m pushing Remi in front of me and up the stairs onto the bus. I’m right behind her, and Colt’s right behind me, quickly closing the doors.

“Jesus, fuck.” He swings his head toward us. “Everyone good?”

I’m already cupping Remi’s face in my hands and scanning her over. Panicked green eyes jump between mine, her arms wrapped around herself.

“Are you okay?” I ask, needing her to say it.

“Yeah…” She glances out the tinted windows. “It’s never been like that.” She looks back at me. “Right?”

It hasn’t. The other two shows back since the break were more intense when we walked out. But not this level.

I shake my head. “I don’t want you walking out with me again.”

A sad smile appears, but relief sneaks in there too.

Colton’s barking orders through his radio, coordinating to get things locked down before they bring Felix and Dev out. He finishes and audibly sighs on his way over. “Fuck, I’m sorry, brother. My gut told me we needed more crowd control tonight. And those barriers were too close together.”

I shrug it off, not blaming him in the least. “No apologies,” I tell him. “But we can’t deal with that every time.”

He nods. “Yeah, it’s time to restrict access to the backstage exit. I’ll have it set up for the other venues. That shit’s not happening again.” Then he scans Remi and pats her on the head. “I’ll put security outside the bus, but I should probably make sure everything runs smoother for Dev and Felix. You two can…” He waves us off, not finishing as he walks away.

I shut the doors behind him and turn around. “Come here.”

Remi drops her arms, and once she’s close enough, I pull her the last few steps. She appears less shook up, but I want to hide her away. And hide with her.

My gaze trails up the footholds in the wall.

“You mind if a sweaty dude takes over your refuge up there for a bit?”

“Hmm.” She pretends to consider her options, so I remind her she has none, picking her up. “Foster,” she squeaks and throws her arms around my neck as I climb to the loft.

I drop onto my back on her bed, dragging her down on top of me. She laughs but cuts off when I grab the back of her neck and bring her mouth to mine.

Fuck, I could do this for the rest of my life with her—having her melt into me and how she fills my chest. But there’s still the ache behind my ribs, the guilt I keep avoiding. Just until after the tour and the doc wraps.

I bite her lower lip and tuck an arm behind my head. She folds hers over my chest, setting her chin on them while my eyes search hers.

“You swear you’re okay?” I ask.

“Are you?” she counters. “I wasn’t the one those people nearly stampeded trying to get to.”

I lower my brows. “There were people out there? I never even noticed them.”

She fights the smile, poorly. “Right. Now who’s the liar?”

“Nah, baby, I only saw you.” I brush my thumb over her cheek. “Awake, asleep, eyes open, closed—all I ever see is you, Remi.”

When she fully smiles, I kiss her, then I really kiss her, knowing it’s only partially a lie.

If I let myself, I could forget anything else exists outside of her. Outside of us.

I did forget before—about the world. Except, forgetting about the world doesn’t mean it stops moving. It just leaves you completely oblivious to what’s going on right in front of you. Until all those things you were missing blindside you. Like they did me.

36

REMI

I’m gettingthe shot tonight.

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