Page 117 of Before Now

“I hate they did that. And I do understand. I wish you guys would have trusted me more, but I understand why you wouldn’t. You thought I was a threat, so you circled the wagons to protect what the band has built.”

Colton sighs and faces forward. “We circled the wagons, and I’m sorry it meant locking you on the outside. The entire thing hit a tender spot—especially for Felix.”

Our gazes connect, the conversation we had about the drummer lingering between us. “Is he okay?”

“He’ll be better when the outside world lays off for a minute. It’s been almost two years of a nonstop push, and now he’s having to fight his demons while under a spotlight.”

“Demons made worse by the sexual harassment accusation?” I ask.

I’m fishing from a human place. Not a storytelling one.

“Them implying we would assault you,” Colton says, looking over at me.

I nod and let it drop as the elevator doors slide open. The man in question’s head tips back so he can see us coming from over the couch before dropping it down again. Dev’s sprawled on a giant ottoman. His shirt’s riding up, and he has a can of beer balanced on his exposed lower torso.

“You can only be here if you brought snacks,” Dev calls.

He raises his brows, still reclined, and I round the end of the massive sectional. “I brought Colton. Does that count? He’s delusional enough to think he’s a snack.”

Dev grins. Felix chuckles. And Colton barrels into me on his way by, swearing at us under his breath about being a whole damn meal.

Dev eyes me, and I can see the words working through him. But Felix is the one who stands, his jaw locked. He leaves his drink on the cushion, stopping in front of me.

“Adams said we’re good, but I need to hear it from you.” He has a softness in his voice he hasn’t had before. At least not that I’ve heard. It extends to his expression, forehead tense and eyes searching mine for reassurance.

“We can be better than good if you want, Felix.”

I half-smile, but he’s still stoic.

“You swear to put us in our fucking places if you do ever feel like we’re disrespecting you? Because we never want you to feel unsafe. Around us or in general.”

“I swear.” I hear the relief in his exhale as he nods. “And I want you to feel safe being your authentic self around me. So can you please go back to being a crass and obnoxious man-child?”

He smirks, his chin tipped up while he stares down at me, cocky and the Felix I know. “Who said I haven’t been holding back this entire time, Cam Girl?”

I laugh, and he swipes up his drink before crashing onto the couch with it.

“What about me?” Grabbing his beer, Dev sits up and pushes his unstyled hair off his forehead.

“No,” I say fast. “I can’t stand the real you.”

He squints, feigning offense with a huff. “Fine. I never liked you anyway.”

His lips turn up on one side, and he winks.

Just like that, I’m accepted back into the pack and feel settled again. The only thing that could make it better is the wolf who’s missing.

33

FOSTER

The fountainin the courtyard holds me in a trance.

My forearms rest on the glass surrounding my balcony, my head buzzing from the weed and bourbon. It’s enough to help counteract the turbulence in there.

My truth shifted under my feet when Remi told me hers.

Mine shaped me. Molded me into who I am. Hers tears it all down, and now the painting I created has been scraped away, revealing one of contrasting colors underneath.

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