Page 105 of Limbo

“Yeah, whatever,” he says on his way past me. He pauses in the doorway. “He’s in love with you, by the way, so feel free to freak out about that up here, all by yourself.”

“Screw you, Pete,” I shout.

“Right back at you, Cal!”

He slams the door behind him, and I rush over to flip the lock. Except locking him out of his apartment does nothing to stop his words from chipping away.

Jordan’s in love with me.

Fuck.

I toss and turn under a blanket on Pete’s bed, the words replaying. I think I knew it at his parents’ house, in his room when I felt the urge to run. It’s a logical progression. You date and fall in love. Only, to love someone, you have to be able to hate them. One turns into the other, bleeding into each other until they become the same thing. At least, that’s all I’ve ever known it to be.

My eyes finally stay closed after a border of dim light appears around the edges of the blackout curtains over the windows. It feels like only minutes later when the mattress dips. Warm arms slip around me, and Jordan holds me close. I roll over, and the harshness is gone from his face. Neither of us says anything, waiting for the other to admit fault or wrongdoing.

We stare at each other a long time before I sigh, giving in. “Pete will never get his place back at this rate.”

Once I’ve ended the standoff, Jordan jumps in. “I’m sorry, Callie.” He presses his lips to mine before he kisses my cheek and forehead and returns to my lips. I’m more than ready to forgive him for being impulsive until he says, “But I’m not sorry for what we did.”

Realizing he still thinks fighting Tyler was the right decision, I sit up. “Then what exactly are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry Lauren threw you out because she’s incapable of putting you and your best interests first.”

And we’re back where we started.

“You still don’t get it, and I’m tired of explaining it to you. Connor and Cate need to come first, not me.”

He sits up beside me and drags a hand through his messy hair. “Maybe to you, but for me, it’s you. It will always be you. And you’ll never convince me otherwise, so you might as well stop trying.”

“What happens if—”

“No.” He shakes his head, not letting me finish. “No hypotheticals. No asking what if the three of you are dangling off a cliff, and I can only save two of you. Or what if they need all of your organs for some insane reason that will never happen. We both know you want me to say I would choose them, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. And I don’t want to lie to you, so just don’t ask.”

He has that determined look in his eye, certain of his words, and I believe him. He would choose me over everyone, but I can never promise him the same. Organ donations and threatening cliffs or basketball tournaments and swim lessons, for me, it’s Connor and Cate. It has to be, because if I don’t choose them, no one will. And that’s just too heartbreaking to think about.

“You have to tell me what you’re thinking, beautiful. Because I feel like a heartless person for having just said that.”

I look down at the bedspread. “I’m thinking about how, without a doubt, I’d choose them in both scenarios.”

He tips my chin up, intense gaze waiting. “And I won’t make you feel guilty for that choice. Don’t make me feel guilty for mine.”

He’s right. I can’t force my priorities onto him. No matter how badly I wish I could.

Not wanting to fight about it anymore, I sigh. “We’ll never agree on this.”

“Probably not.”

“So, what do we do?”

He tugs me over, so I lean back against his chest. “We go see Cate and Connor because you need to see them.”

“And they need to see me.”

“And the stars align, and everyone gets what they need,” he says against my cheek.

Maybe it can work, him watching out for me while I take care of Cate and Connor. I’ve never trusted anyone enough to try, but as always, Jordan Waters is my exception.

I feel his arms tighten around me, his chest rising faster behind me. It sets off an alarm inside me, Pete’s words once again in my head.

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