Page 45 of Elusion

“Oh God. You’re going to meet my parents.”

Unprepared for the development, I further examine her. She is wearing last night’s makeup and has wrinkles in her clothes from them lying on the floor all night, and her presence at the house at nine-thirty on a Saturday morning seems suspect on its own.

“There’s an iron in my room and clean washcloths in the hall closet.” I usher her to the stairs. “You’re Johnny’s cousin. Tell the guys.”

My phone vibrates at the same time a car pulls up outside. Showtime.

I swing open the front door with a huge-ass grin. “You made it!”

Down the steps I go to hug my mother. She kisses my cheek and wipes pink lipstick away before her eyes flit to my hair. Shit, I forgot about my hair. My hands quickly sweep through it in the usual left-back-forward pattern. A firm handshake with my father turns into a hug with a pat on the back. Affection in my family is only acceptable during greetings and farewells.

Dustin throws his arm around my neck and cracks his hard skull against the side of mine. “You got more warning than I did. Dad knocked, and I shoved a girl under the bed.”

Ever the gentleman my brother.

“We should really write this shit down,” I say.

He agrees, dragging me toward the house.

“Carol! Ray!” Gavin meets them on the steps, a cheesy smile accompanying his enthusiastic greeting.

He wraps his arms around my mother. He’s her favorite of the boys, always kissing her ass. My father prefers Benji, and Dustin pairs best with Johnny. Everyone settles into the clean, odor-free living room where Ray presents me with cigars and a twenty-one-year-old bottle of scotch. No one dares decline his request to share a glass with him. I toss my terrible coffee—two sugars—and switch to a single malt at ten in the morning.

Jess reappears as we finish our drinks. I introduce her as Johnny’s cousin to my family. She looks impressively put together, considering her earlier appearance, but my mother becomes rigid in her presence. Internal sigh at the impossible-to-please Carol Waters.

Jess nudges me and leans in. “My phone’s dead. I need to call Felicia.”

I hand her my phone, wondering how I can escape long enough to talk to Felicia when she gets here. My trusty sidekick and I have some investigating to do. I want to learn more about Callie, and waiting until she comes back sounds like an impossible undertaking. Outside of the small amount of information gained from her, everything I know comes from a six-year-old. Unless Callie owns two unicorns and teaches children how to make wishes, my source isn’t the most reliable.

Dustin leans over, his eyes following Jess out of the room. “Is that the girl?” he asks in a hushed voice to avoid being overheard.

I lower my eyebrows at him in response.

“It’d better not be,” he says. “Do you know how fast Mom will run off a girl she hasn’t handpicked for you? She’s already looking at her like she’s planning out how to ruin her life.”

The only experience I have with my mother’s distaste for women is from girls Dustin has brought home. Of course, none of them have been the type you should bring home to your mother; latex is never an appropriate choice when meeting someone’s parents.

In high school, I would only date girls for a few weeks before moving on to the next. Once I figured out they put out without the title, girlfriends became a thing of the past. Even so, I have no concerns about my mother’s opinion on such matters. My parents might end up getting law school out of me, but an arranged relationship will never happen. Regardless of the offer they put on the table.

Jess returns and gives me my phone. “She’ll be here in a bit. She was still sleeping.”

I offer her my spot on the couch. My mother scowls at the use of the manners she taught me.

Oh, Mother.

“I think we need to celebrate with these cigars.” My father holds up the case.

Right, and leave poor Jess to the shark who detects blood in the water?

“You go ahead, Dad. I usually wait until at least noon.”

He cocks a dark brow. “You are no son of mine.”

“Only a blood test can confirm,” I reply.

He and the rest of the men refill their scotch glasses and retire to the smoking garage.

As soon as they leave, Carol says, “I’m just going to use the powder room.”

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