Page 35 of Elusion

The garage erupts. The Jordan’s Life Committee convenes without giving me a chance to respond. Who needsmyopinion aboutmylife with such a worthy group of experts on hand?

“Fifty bucks says he jumps ship tomorrow night.”

“I’ll take that action. He’s going to nail and bail tonight.”

“You’re both wrong. He’s fallen for her.”

“Must I always be the one to remind you? We’re talking about Jordan here.”

“He does tend to lose interest rather fast.”

“The kid can’t even commit to hair products.”

“Once he hits, he’s going to quit.”

“No reason to deny his nature.”

“Yeah, there’s no shame in enjoying your freedom, dude.”

“Everybody, shut the fuck up,” I shout over them.

They stop, but the words are already chipping away at me. Way too many of their comments hold truth.

I grab my sweatshirt and start for the door, turning around before leaving. “You guys”—I search for the right word—“suck.”

An awful choice, but I commit, slamming the door behind me. It does little to muffle their laughter and even less to minimize the damage coursing its way through my conscience. What if I screw this up? What if everything I told myself about not being a disappointment is just something a disappointment tells himself to feel better about what a complete failure he is? What if I’m being impulsive and not thinking things through again? What if when the challenge ends, so does my interest in Callie?

I drive around for a long time, incapable of heading toward the dorms without thinking about lacrosse. For years, I dedicated my life to the game. Training camps, two-a-day practices, forfeiting valuable social time for conditioning, even during the off-season. Then they chose me as captain junior year. A first for the team and a year earlier than Dustin, who’d captained the team as a senior. The very next day, I hit the snooze button on my alarm and skipped practice. All my passion for something I’d thought I loved was seemingly gone overnight. Later that day, I dropped off my uniform. I quit. Just walked away. I beat Dustin, my entire reason for playing, so why bother anymore?

And here I am again, about to be named captain. Every interaction with Callie inches me closer to my original goal, only now I dread the possibility of achieving it. I can’t lacrosse her, which means the deadline needs to come and go before anything happens between us. It’s the only way I can guarantee my feelings for her aren’t just tied up in the chase. For the first time in my life, I want to lose.

Hell, I need to.

I approach the door with an entirely new focus—don’t touch Callie until she returns from her weekend trip.

Jess answers, and her eyes travel down to my crotch. The only part of my body she ever addresses directly. “Jordan.”

I slink around her when she refuses to move. One day, she will unleash a whole new level of awkward. She returns to the books on the floor, stealing one last glance as I go to Callie’s room.

More nervous than before, I prepare to knock, but before my knuckles meet wood, Felicia grabs my arm and hauls me across the common area. She uses freakish strength to force me into her and Jess’s room.

“Jesus,” I say, rubbing my arm. “How are you so strong?”

Arms crossed, she glares. Pissed-off Felicia—not someone I want to fuck with.

“Tell me what the hell you did to Callie,” she demands.

“Nothing,” I say, holding my hands up to keep her at bay.

She steps forward, poking a finger to my chest. “Ever since you dropped her off, she’s been acting weird. She’s barely left her room, and when I try to talk to her, she spaces out. It’s like she’s only half here.”

My stomach drops as I remember what happened in the Jeep. “Do her eyes look vacant?”

Felicia nods, her hand falling away.

“Shit. She seemed upset for a second earlier, but then she was fine. I can’t think of anything I would have done though, I swear.”

Her stance loosens, a bit of nice Felicia breaking through. “Something else must be going on with her then. Sorry. I release you.” She steps aside to let me leave. “Don’t make me regret being on your side.”

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