Page 59 of Filthiest Of Them All

“We’re at war, baby,” I say quietly. “I’ve always known I wouldn’t live to an age where I would get gray hair and I’ve made my peace with that.” Her brows draw in and her eyes brim with anguish. “Loving me is like loving time, you’ll never know how long you have. Today my hour glass might just run out but not before I set out to finish what I started three years ago.” Her eyes widen as my words slowly sink in. “I’m sorry, Tatum. My heart may now beat for you and you alone, but it beat for her first.” She tries to pull back but I don’t let go. “I love you, Tatum Lawson, but my heart isn’t in charge today, my head is, which means your brother will die by my hands.” I take a risk and place a chaste kiss to her lips, then release her. I turn my back and stalk toward the car, ignoring the sound of her crying.

I climb in the passenger seat and nod to Halo. He plants his foot on the gas and because I’m a masochist I look at the side mirror and watch as she drops to her knees and buries her face in her hands.

“You good?” Halo asks quietly.

“I think I just lost the only woman I have ever loved,” I admit.

He sucks in a sharp inhale. “Shit. I didn’t see that coming,” he mutters.

I shrug. “Yeah, neither did I.”

“If she feels the same, she’ll?—”

I cut him off before he could finish. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Make excuses. You and I both know that if we were in her shoes we would never forgive us either.” My anger and pain begins to blend inside me and it’s clouding my thoughts.

“Don’t fucking lash out at me, but Tate is here, in the flesh and breathing. Ellie isn’t. She would want you to be happy and we can all see Tate does that for you, brother. I’ve never seen you like this before. You stopped smiling when Ellie died, but that girl back there, she is bringing you back from the darkness you’ve been living in.”

I scrub a hand down my face and growl. “Enough. My decision is made. I promised my sister I would avenge her and that is what I’m going to do. I may be a piece of shit but even I don’t break my word. Nexus Valerian will die and that is final.”

He sighs beside me. “And Desire?”

Bloodlust blooms inside me and my mouth begins to water as the images of what I plan to do to her and Nexus run through my mind like a movie. “Her and Nexus will keep each other company while I work on them slowly.”

He exhales loudly and nods. “And the twins?”

I shrug. “That’s up to you guys.” He nods but I can see there is more he wants to say. “Spit it out, Halo.”

“Okay. I know what you have planned for Desire. I may hate Carnage but I could never kill him.”

I pick up what he’s putting down. “I’m not asking any of you to take part in what I have planned for her.” He visibly relaxes. “Will the four of you still be by my side when I finish this or will you all take the same stance as Tatum?”

Halo turns and looks at me with an angry scowl on his face. “You’re our brother. We’ll be by your fucking side until we’re all in wooden boxes or a glass jar burnt to a crisp. We’re with you always, brother.”

Tatum

I gather my strength and force myself to stand, my eyes are red and puffy from the tears but I don’t care. My heart is breaking inside my chest. Not only am I terrified for what may happen to my brother, but I’m scared Alex won't come back. My mind and heart are warring—one is telling me being with Alex is wrong, he’s a serial killer and plans to murder my brother. But the other part, that part is telling me that he is a good man and is just driven by his pain.

Loving me is like loving time, you’ll never know how long you have.

His words play on repeat in my head. Is this what it will be like being with him? Him sneaking out before the sun has even risen so he can go off and kill people while I sleep soundly in his bed?

Tatum, my heart may now beat for you and you alone, but it beat for her first.

I don’t think I can compete with a ghost. I hold no ill feelings toward Elenor or anything like that, but just knowing that he is starting a war for her, makes me second guess everything. I know Nexus admitted to hurting her but what if it was all just words to hurt me because I wouldn’t leave with him?

I love you, Tatum Lawson, but my heart isn’t in charge today, my head is, which means your brother will die by my hands.

Bile rushes up my throat and I turn to the side to empty the contents of my stomach. Once I’m finished, I stumble inside the main house and grab a glass of water to rinse the acidic taste out of my mouth. I splash some water on my face and try to gain control of my thoughts and formulate a plan.

4221 means forever together to love one another.

I jerk in surprise as Nova’s voice rings out in my head. I remember asking her about what the numbers meant that Vox had tattooed and then showed me hers, and told me that it was something her and her best friend had always said to each other. At that time, I had no care for anything or anyone so the numbers and their meaning meant nothing to me… until now. My chest constricts and I gasp for air. I reach up and clutch at my heart.

Holy fuck, am I in love with Alexander Denver?

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