Page 100 of Mine to Protect

A deep breath pushed from my lungs. On silent feet, I crept past the couch and tiptoed toward the door. The cold metal knob shot a jolt of excitement through my palm. I wasn’t running; that would be stupid, and I wasn’t an idiot. No, I just wanted one minute outside in the cold mountain air, alone.

The first gust of wind caught my breath, but a broad smile spread across my cheeks anyway. Everything was quiet; not a single bird sang, no coyote howled. Rubbing my hands up and down my arms, I leaned back against the closed door, taking in the stillness, letting it creep over me, calming my high-strung nerves and overanxious thoughts.

In the darkness of the morning, without anyone watching, my thoughts wandered. So much had happened over the past couple weeks that it was hard to filter through all the emotions that swirled through me. There was a shift, a change brought on by Cas—which was a good thing. It was like he woke me up, breathed fresh air into my lungs, pulling me from a long sleep. Parts of my body and heart thrummed and sizzled only for him, only with him. Even if he didn’t protect me from my potential fate, he’d already saved me.

Ten years of my life I’d wasted being scared, hidden, and ashamed of my past. Like it was my fault. None of it was, and Cas helped me realize it wasn’t about me. I wasn’t to blame.

Confident, self-assured, and strong were words I’d use to describe myself after just a few days with him.

This version of Alta Lady Johnson was who I was meant to be.

“Just what in thefucking helldo you think you’re doing?”

The back of my head slammed against the door, and a startled scream tore from my throat. The crunch of crispy cold grass and gravel grew closer. A bright red dot glowed in the dark, marking where Cas stood in the driveway.

“Answer me,” he demanded before taking another deep drag. I stared mesmerized as the cherry of his cigarette burned bright. “Lady.”

“What are you doing out here?” I asked instead of responding.

“Smoking and patrolling the area, looking for any signs of someone waiting, watching. Your turn.”

I sighed and tucked both hands under my armpits. “I just wanted five minutes of fresh air, of quiet, of being alone.”

“You want to be alone?”

“Yes and no,” I said honestly. “I want to be alone, but then again I want you here with me while I'm alone.” I let out a fake laugh. “Just another one of my quirks, I guess.”

Cas stepped closer, shifting into the streams of light pouring out from the house’s illuminated windows. With his head slightly tilted, the light and shadows accentuated the firm lines of his face. His dark eyes glittered as they stared deep into me. My breath caught as my heart jackhammered in my chest. The intensity, honesty, and desire behind his eyes were too much.

I wanted him. All of him. All of him all over me.

After tossing the cigarette butt into the can reserved for his litter, he strode past me and swung open the door. Mouth gaping, my eyes followed his movements in shock. It had to be a joke. No way would he leave me out here, alone.

The thousands of questions in my mind came to a halt when Cas reappeared with pillows and a quilted blanket tucked under his arm.

Lips parted in shock, I watched as he tossed down the pillows before arranging them like two makeshift chairs. After two fluffs of the blanket, spreading it out evenly over the cushions, he turned, eyebrows raised.

“Well come on. You wanted to be out here, and I know you’re fucking freezing.”

I was.

Pulling the collar of his sweatshirt over my mouth, I smiled behind the cotton while taking in a deep sniff of his lingering scent.

He got situated first, lounging on the porch with his back against the wall, legs crossed at the ankles in front of him. He lightly patted the cushion at his side, and I sank to my knees and crawled under the blanket, laying on my side and tucking my head against his chest. For the first time in days, I inhaled deep, filling my lungs with freezing fresh air.

His fingers raked through my long hair, carefully tugging each tangle free with more gentleness than I ever gave it. Slowly, pinks and gray burst over the trees. Thick white clouds of morning fog rose from the ground, suspended in the air just feet from us. No sooner had the sun shone its first rays than the birds woke, chirping happily through the trees and singing of another beautiful day.

“Beautiful,” I said in awe. It’s why I loved the mountains. A west Texas sunset was hard to beat, but mountain dawn gave it a run for its money.

“Yeah, perfection.” Smiling, I turned to look up only to find his eyes on me. “I know someone like me—no family, no career, no money—doesn’t deserve you, but… I want you to know that whatever happens after all this, I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know what that means logistically, but if you want to figure it out with me, we will.”

I sucked in a breath. Was I ready for this conversation?

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to toss that out there.” A shy, self-conscious smile tugged at his dry lips.

“We deserve to be happy, Cas Mathews. We deserve to be happy and free.” Leaning up, I pressed my lips against the pulsing vein of his neck. “And we made a deal, remember? We’ll be alone, together.”

Calluses scraped my cheeks as he cupped either side of my face, pulling me up. Both thumbs hooked into my lower lip, tugging down until it popped back into place. Again he dipped both thumbs past my lips, but that time he thrust them past my teeth, filling my mouth. My eyes fluttered closed as heat blazed through my veins, settling deep in my core. A low groan rumbled in his chest when I wrapped my lips around his thumbs and sucked deep, lapping at the pads with tiny flicks of my tongue.

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