Page 61 of Mine to Protect

I flinched at a cold towel swiping across my mouth.

Fingers gripped my chin, turning my face into the bathroom. Dark, searching eyes met mine. Anger, concern, and fierce determination were what I found in their depths, not sympathy or disgust like I’d expected.

“Breathe through it,” he coaxed in a commanding tone my body immediately responded to. “Take control. Fight it, Alta. Focus on me.”

“Xanax,” I somehow got out.

He shook his head. “You got this on your own. You can’t change your past, so don’t dwell on it. Push those memories out. Focus on me.” His grip tightened as he shook my chin, gaining more of my attention. “Own it. Don’t let it own you.”

It struck me fast and hard—he believed in me. I freaked out on him because I saw him naked, I threw up, and yet there he was, inches from my face, walking me through the panic attack. Something lingered behind his eyes, and I got lost trying to figure out what it was he was holding back.

“Focus on what you can control, nothing else. You can control your breathing. You can control your thoughts. Focus. You can do it, Lady.”

Little by little, I clung to his confidence in me and began pulling myself out of the downward spiral. Instead of picturing Lance, I focused on Cas. Instead of remembering the all-consuming fear I lived for those three days, I focused on the touch of Cas’s fingers, the fluttering and happiness it brought.

Minutes later, the tremble in my fingers faded, my vision cleared—minus the embarrassed tears—and my breathing calmed.

“Why are you crying?” Cas asked, sincerity filling his voice.

“Why?” I glanced away to avoid making eye contact with him. “Oh, maybe because what I was nervous about just happened. I freaked out because I saw your… you know, your….” Without looking, I waved a hand toward his still-exposed crotch.

“Oh, that?” Humor laced his words. “Don’t worry about that, happens a lot. Most women pass out when they first see me. I’m used to it.”

I smirked at his valiant attempt to lighten the mood until I remembered the next part. “And then I threw up and—oh my goodness, I threw up.” Flush heated my cheeks. I buried my face in my hands and shook my head back and forth. “I’m more fucked up than I realized. Here I thought it was just the paranoia. Nope, bonus, that bastard left me with the inability to be intimate with anyone ever again. You can go if you want to. I understand. I—”

“Alta, look at me.”

Dropping my hands, I took a deep, steadying breath in. He was leaving; why wouldn’t he? I peered up beneath my lashes, prepared for the worst.

“Did you think this would be easy? You were held captive and….” He glanced away, the muscle of his jaw twitched. “This is the first time in ten years you’ve let someone touch you without pushing them away. Give yourself a little credit, Lady.”

A relieved sigh pushed past my lips. “You’re not leaving?”

His brown brows furrowed, causing a deep line to form between them. “Did you really think I would?”

My wet hair brushed across my shoulders as I shook my head. “Did you expect something like this would happen?”

He nodded. Sitting his bare backside on the floor, Cas grabbed the towel beside me and laid it over himself, leaving me naked. I narrowed my eyes at the towel.

“Not a chance. I love this view. And yeah, I figured there would be some triggers, but since you hadn’t been with anyone since the assault, we didn’t know what. Now we know.”

“We know I can’t look at a nude man,” I grumbled, disgusted with myself.

“That’ll come with time, which is fine. You’re okay being naked with me, and I’m golden with that, Lady. As long as I get to play with you, I’m happy.”

“You make me sound like your new favorite toy.”

His smile faltered, and his features turned serious. “For the first time in my life, I have something to call mine. So yeah, I might be possessive, but when you’ve grown up with nothing, you learn to appreciate the things you do have. And I plan on appreciating the fuck out of you.”

21

Cas

Through the smoke,I monitored the black SUV as it turned into the drive and parked. At my side, Benny growled at the newcomer and looked up for instruction.

Damn, best dog ever.

His coarse hair tickled my palm as I patted his head to ease his concern. The second Peters came into view, Benny’s tail twitched along the porch in excitement. I took the last hit off the cigarette and tossed the butt in the makeshift ashtray Alta set out. That woman was serious about litter.

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