Page 67 of Mine to Protect

Stepping out of Cas’s warm hold, I sat on a large flat boulder and leaned back against a tree. “Remember me telling you Benny and I had a lot in common because we both lost someone?” Hand over the brim of my hat to shield the bright afternoon sun, I eyed Cas, who nodded. “I mourned me. The person I was. The happy spirit who thought everyone deserved a friend. The girl who not only wasn’t afraid to step out into public, but who relished in it. I spent way too much money making my hair silky and shiny, which of course everyone noticed and commented on.”

I tugged on the end of my ponytail and flicked the dull, dead ends back and forth in front of my face. “That was the first thing I tucked away. Now whenever I go out, I wear a hat of some kind, and I keep it back in a bun, hidden from view while I work. I guess because it’s the one thing I knew made me stand out.”

“Which you don’t want,” Cas said with a groan as he sat down next to me. “Because you’re afraid it’ll attract the wrong attention again.”

I nodded as I kept my eyes on the pebbles I rolled between my fingers.

“I saw you.”

“You did,” I said with a smile. “Even when I tried to hide.”

“It was your eyes. Peters was right earlier. You let people see inside you, see your emotions, everything. And somehow it was like you saw me too, all my darkness, and you didn’t flinch away. It’s what drew me in.” Turning his gaze from the beauty in front of us, he locked eyes with me. “It’s what won’t let me go.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You’re going to no matter what I say, so sure.”

A broad smile spread up my cheeks. “Touché. This morning, you got worked up when you saw me with Chandler, and any time John is in the room, you’re an ass. What’s with that? You know I don’t… I don’t like them as I like you.” My cheeks burned.

His gaze swung back to the scenery and leaned back on his elbows. “I'm not used to having something like this, like you in my life. Something I want only for myself. I’ve never had something that’s just mine.”

“Even as a kid? Come on.” I nudged his shoulder with my knee, urging him to look back, but he didn’t turn.

“My childhood wasn’t like yours. I was moved from foster home to foster home until I aged out at eighteen. I was the scrawny kid who everyone picked on. Anything I was given, someone would take away.”

“I don’t believe you were scrawny.” My nose wrinkled trying to imagine it. “You’re so formidable now.”

“Formidable,” he said with a laugh. “Not sure my ego can take any more compliments.”

That time I sailed my knee hard into his shoulder.

“Fuck, that hurt. And yeah, I was scrawny. I was picked on at whatever home I was in, and at school. I had zero relief from it. When I turned eighteen, I signed up for the marines. I wanted to become this badass no one would ever pick on again. I was terrible in boot camp.” A nostalgic laugh had me watching his profile. He looked lost in memories as he stared at the mountains. “But eventually I started putting on weight—imagine what having three meals a day would do to a growing kid—and I learned to fight. I liked it, the fighting. It helped take the edge off the simmering anger that always sat just below the surface, ready to erupt. The marines taught me how to hone the anger, control it, use it. But still, even then I didn’t have anything of my own. Until you fell into my life.” He smirked.

“Stupid Benny knocking me over that day,” I said as I leaned back and closed my eyes to absorb what all he’d said. “So what you’re saying is you’ve never had a girlfriend?”

“First, no. I’ve had a lot of fuck buddies—”

Eyes still closed, I flung my arm out, nailing him in the forehead. “I don’t need details.”

“Touchy,” he laughed. “No, I’ve never had a girlfriend. Never someone who I knew wanted me exclusively, and I wanted the same way. Someone who made me feel.” The last word was barely a whisper, almost like he didn’t understand. “Does me calling you mine and being slightly possessive—”

“I’d lean more toward overly possessive and protective.”

“Fine, overly possessive and protective. Does that mean you’re my girlfriend? We haven’t even had sex.”

The flush came back in full force, heating my cheeks. “I don’t think having… you know is a requirement.”

With a contemplative look, he closed his eyes and sighed. “I don’t know what this is, and I don’t know how long we’ll be here, but I do know I want you while I am. You’re addictive. What you’re doing to me is too.”

I swallowed and nodded. The reminder that he was only here for a short while made my stomach flip with disappointment. “Maybe you’re the one who’ll fix me so I can date after you’re gone.”

Cas groaned and shot a glare over his shoulder from where he now lay flat on the rock. “If I can’t talk about past fuck buddies, you sure as hell can’t talk about future ones.”

True.

A happy, content feeling washed over me, making my eyes heavy. Rotating on the rock, I lay back, resting my head on top of Cas’s hard stomach. Up and down, my head rose and lowered with each of his deep breaths, lulling me to sleep.

“I can’t believe it,” I sighed.

---