Page 45 of Mine to Protect

Hard nails scraped along my back as Benny attempted a different tactic to get me off the couch—my makeshift bed most nights. Here in the living room, I felt safer with the multiple exits, and a visual to every access point into the house. Sleeping in the bedroom was too confining; out here, I managed a few hours of sleep each night. Maybe I could get more if Benny weren’t so persistent every morning.

Arms above my head, I let out a long screech as I stretched, arching my back off the cushions.

“I’m up, I’m up,” I yawned to the ceiling, blindly searching around the edge of the couch until my hand connected with Benny’s large head and soft ears. “Where are we going today?”

Every leg muscle protested as I pushed off the couch. The couple falls last night did more damage than I realized. Right knee a bit stiff, I hobbled to the bathroom, flicking on the light to locate my toothbrush.

I gasped at my reflection. My knee wasn’t the only part that took a beating. Tentatively, I pressed against my swollen left cheek and stroked down the thin scrapes cascading from my forehead to my chin. Great. One more thing for John to ream me out about today, which I was already dreading.

Disobeying a direct order was grounds for suspension, or worse, termination—even though I didn’t think John would go that far. But then again, last night he was pissed, and then Cas showed up, only making it worse. Fingers crossed that John wouldn’t let his personal feelings toward me or his jealousy toward Cas cloud his judgment.

After splashing a few handfuls of cold water on my face, I stripped off the flannel pajamas to change into running gear. The laces flipped between my fingers as I tied them tight with a double knot. A deep growl from the living room made me pause. Eyes flicking to the bedroom door, I waited.

Another deep growl caused the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. A flash of nervous of panic jolted through my veins, sending my pulse racing.

Crouching low to stay below the windows, I sneaked into the living room. Benny stood facing the front door, ears alert and tail up, but the hairs along his back standing straight held my attention.

Benny never showed aggression, even when he didn’t like someone.

Each short, rapid breath burned my already-dry throat. Reaching up, I unsnapped the holster on the table and slowly withdrew the gun. Each breath was shallower than the last. I gulped for air but couldn’t get enough to fill my lungs. The corners of my vision darkened, the first warning sign that my panic attack was winning. Tears built and pooled. If I passed out, I couldn’t defend myself; I had to gain control.

The cold barrel of the gun dug into my lower back as I slid it into the leggings waistband to crawl into the kitchen where the meds were hidden. A metal knob pressed into a shoulder blade as I leaned back against the cabinets. Blindly, I reached up and back, ripping a drawer open and sending it crashing to the ground. With trembling fingers, I shifted through the drawer’s contents until three fingers wrapped around the prescription bottle that held my Xanax.

I cursed as I failed time after time to open the lid. My short breaths transitioned into hiccups, jolting me with each inhale. Frustrated, scared, desperate, I ripped at the lid with all the strength I could gather. The lid went one way and the bottle the other, scattering thirty tiny white pills across the floor.

I grabbed one, instant relief settling me as the pill dissolved beneath my tongue. Back against the cabinet, I focused on deep breathing and the reassurance that no one could get through the multiple locks and Benny.

I was safe.

A knock at the door drove Benny into a frenzy, lunging against it with his massive body until the whole cabin shook. Palms suctioned over my ears, I tucked both knees against my chest and burrowed my forehead between them.

Another knock rattled through the cabin, but that time a female voice followed.

“Alta? You okay in there?”

I released my tight, trembling muscles. Sarah.

Tears of relief pooled in my eyes. Of course it was a friend, not someone here to attack me.

Restraining Benny by his collar, I disengaged the various locks and pulled the door open.

My fingers tightened around his collar when I saw her. Sarah’s normal bouncy blonde hair was nonexistent, tucked under a black beanie, which matched the rest of her all black outfit.

“What are you doing here?” She never stopped by. Scratch that, she’d never been here, ever. “How’d you—”

Sarah smirked and waved off my obvious apprehension. “Good morning to you too,friend. John called me, said you had a bad night and asked me to stop by to check on you.”

“Oh.” Leaning a shoulder against the doorframe, I looked past her toward Cas and Chandler’s cabin. Soft rays of morning light filtered through the trees as dawn broke across the sky. “Why so early?” Maybe questioning her intentions was rude, but what did she expect from a paranoid freak like me?

“You okay?” she asked, her earlier humor now gone. “You’re white as a ghost.” She shouldered her way into the cabin and I stepped back, allowing it, because that’s what you did with Sarah. Shealwaysgot her way.

Benny gave a suspicious sniff at her extended hand before looking to me. At my nod, he shifted to monitor the now-closed door.

“Wasn’t expecting the company is all.” Ever.

“I listen when you talk, you know. You’ve mentioned how Benny gets you up super early.” She shrugged and spun in the middle of the living room, taking in the cabin. “I figured you would be up.”

Had I? I guess maybe I did at some point. Maybe one day when I was irritable from lack of sleep. That made sense. “Why are you up so early?”

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