Page 26 of Mine to Protect

In unison, we glanced through the front window. Alta sat on the hearth, even closer to the fire than before, her knees tucked against her chest as she stared at an iPad.

“Damn, Peters. The FBI has turned you into a soft pussy,” I said through an exhale of smoke. “Man the fuck up and tell her to knock it off with the fire if you’re hot.”

A lone brow arched high on his forehead as he leaned against the post. “You’re suggesting I freeze her out.”

No. Yes. Hell, I didn’t know what I was saying. The woman wasn’t even in the same room and I couldn’t think straight. But I did know letting Peters think I was into her was still a terrible idea.

To avoid responding, I set the cigarette between my lips and took a long drag.

“We should, you know. Make her run as far from us as possible.”

“I’m sure you’re going to tell me why, even though I don’t give two shits about you or her.” Lie. I was a fucking liar. I would tack it onto my growing list of sins I’d be held accountable for one day. The very long list.

“Right, keep telling yourself that, fuckstick. I’m saying she’s more innocent than you or I have ever been in our entire lives. More than we can even grasp. When she caught me in my towel—”

I couldn’t restrain the low growl that rumbled from my chest as I slid my gaze to him with a pointed glare. His knowing smirk made me curse and shift to look into the dense forest that surrounded our small cabin. Without all the leaves, a few other cabins around us were visible, but still far enough away to have some sense of privacy. I flicked the cigarette butt toward the bucket I set out the night before as a makeshift ashtray.

“She got here early, you jealous fool. Chill the fuck out. It’s almost like you care or something. You know”—the way he dragged out the last word told me what was coming next—“if you really don’t want her for yourself, then maybe I’ll make a pass. It’d be fun to teach her what a real man can do to her.”

“Don’t fucking touch her,” I bit out. “She deserves better than you or me.” The truthful words burned in my chest. Most people deserved better than me, but especially her. Innocent, beautiful, a whole life ahead of her to be happy and move on from her past. I was cemented into mine with no hope of ever moving on.

His smirk fell. He pursed his lips as his gaze shifted to the ashtray. “Why do you say that?”

“You said it yourself, she’s more innocent than we’ve ever been. I don’t want to see her dragged down by one of us. She deserves someone who could make her happy.”

“And you don’t think you could.” A statement, not a question.

I cut my gaze to him. “You know me. Know what I’ve done, what we’ve done. I’m not going to let my demons kill her too.”

He cleared his throat and shifted on the post. “You make it sound like we’re past the point of saving. Is that what you think?”

In response, I flicked the lighter to light another cigarette.

“We’re not the bad guys, Mathews. We’re not the ones out there preying on innocent people. We had a job, we were trained to do that job, and we did it. I won’t believe what we’ve done or who we’ve killed is who we are. We’re more than that.”

I shook my head. He didn’t get it. Peters went into the marines as a good man, only coming out slightly damaged. Whereas I went in damaged and came out an emotionless lost cause. In his optimistic mindset, he thought of us as good guys, the heroes in this world.

Which he might’ve been. But even as much as I fucking wanted it to be different, I wasn’t her hero. And I refused to be her villain.

9

Alta

The pencil eraserrapped rapidly against the hard surface of the desk as I studied John’s closed office door, impatiently waiting for it to swing open. He’d called that morning, telling me to be at the station an hour before the other meetings were scheduled for the day, but didn’t give a hint as to why.

Three days had passed since I left Chandler and Cas’s cabin, more confused than ever about the case and my strange feelings for the brooding, tatted man. After the hot scene by the fireplace, he shut me out the remainder of the afternoon, avoiding my looks and staying as far away as possible. Then yesterday during a shift, Chandler called unexpectedly, suggesting we schedule meetings with the two missing women’s husbands. Knowing Johnny Boy would want to be involved, I called and filled him in on Chandler’s request.

As impatient as I was to talk to John, my stomach knotted for another reason. Thoughts of Cas had consumed my every moment for three days, which had felt like an entire week, and now, today, I finally got to see him again.

“What in the hell has gotten into you?” Sarah asked as she snatched the pencil from my hand. “It’s John.”

“But he didn’t say why he wanted to meet me before Chandler, Cas, and the two husbands arrived.”

Sarah leaned forward to pet Benny. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Want me to distract you with some gossip?”

“No.”

With an exaggerated eye roll, she pressed her elbows on the desk. “Too bad. So, my hike with Sadie was quite informative.”

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