Page 52 of Finding Fate

I should kick him in the nuts, punch him in the throat, and then get the hell out of here.

Wait, no, can't do that. Okay, do the first two things, then run back, get Nash and escape.

Easy.

If I had a fucking wand. Damn, being a muggle blows.

Vivid scenarios of what could happen next flash through my mind like a flipping sinister rolodex. The general’s second breaks his amused stare to move aside, allowing another man to pass. My lungs stop working as the new guy steps in front of me and turns, saying something.

The general’s second shakes his head and points to the opposite corner with a long, thick-bladed machete. "That one."

I track where he's pointing, rising bile burning my throat at what I find: a small form cowering in the corner opposite me. The man moves quick, snatching the now-sobbing girl off the floor.

"In here," says the general’s second. "She need to see. She"—that menacing knife sweeps across the room and points to me—"took others."

Beans and bread push up my throat. Falling to my hands, I vomit the little that’s in my stomach down my veil. Through the shrieks of the woman, I continue to dry heave, useless tears slipping down my nose to the material. Every fear of what those girls and Destiny went through on a daily basis plays out feet from me. The veil is ripped from my head, but I’m too numb to fight back. Fingers tangle in my hair, forcing my head back, exposing the length of my neck.

Cool metal presses against the tender skin. "You watch what you did. You can't save her. Can’t save you."

My vision blurs as I'm forced to watch. Anytime I squeeze my eyes shut, the sharp end of the blade nicks the soft skin of my throat, reminding me of his demand. Her pained screams will forever be imprinted in my memory.

After the first man, he calls in another. Then another.

After the fifth I stop counting. At this point, shock has graciously blurred my vision and shut down all brain functions.

After, the discarded veil is slid back on and I'm dragged out between two men. No movement stirs from the opposite corner. No sound.

Please be dead.

And take me with you.

The woman didn't even know me, yet the curse of my life affected her. I tried to do one good thing in saving the others, but now several evil things pop up in the wake. I did that to her. She's dead because of me. Her last few hours of living were spent in fear and pain.

I did that.

I'm the reason she's dead.

If the world’s lucky, I will be too soon.

Darkness still envelops the camp when I'm deposited in my pen. A memory tickles, telling me I should care about something, but the images of the abused girl shove it out of reach.

"Poppy?" says a distant voice in the dark.

I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out. Because what do I say? Where do I begin with what happened tonight? How do I explain that I'll never be the same after what I witnessed? And that I want to die so I don’t have to go through life remembering?

"Pops, I know you can hear me. I... I need to know you're alive, that you're okay. Okay? Roll over, let me see you. Please." When I don't move, his tone turns desperate. "Please, Fate. Please."

Maybe I'm dead inside, because I can’t muster the energy to turn and ease his pain.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I drown out his pleas just like I did the young girl's cries.

**

THE SUN'S TOO-BRIGHTrays break through the veil to burn my dry eyes. Numbness in my shoulder and hip has spread and turned to a dull ache from sleeping in the same position all night. Still I don't move. I haven’t moved a single inch all night. Staring at the same spot on the wall seems to be the only thing my shocked body can do.

The rustling of clothes sounds at my back and the sense of being watched prickles the hair up my neck. But not only can I not muster enough energy to turn and face him, I can't muster enough energy to care.

"Don't let them break you," he whispers, almost like a prayer. He can’t know I'm awake, listening, but he goes on. "You're so much stronger than you realize. Fight it. Don't let them take you from me. I tried to stop it. Damn, Pops. I'm sorry I couldn't.... Don't give up."

---