Page 85 of Revive Me

My gaze moves back to her eyes, finding her staring back at me. She doesn’t shy away, our connection staying locked as I crystallize this moment to hold on to for when I have to let her go.

But not before I tell her softly, “Thank you.”

My words are loaded with meaning. She knows it, too. But she simply smiles and leans into my hand for another moment before pulling back. “You’re welcome.”

As soon as there’s a little bit of space between us, the water feels cold, and a shiver runs through me.

Lily notices, of course, and jerks her head toward the bars at the other end of the pool. “Want to do a little bit of work? We don’t have to stay here for the whole hour; we can plan for half-hour sessions in the future.”

I smile again, but this one’s tighter. “Sounds good, Doc.”

As we move through the water, I wonder if this tension is going to last our entire session, if these moments ofwantare going to become more and more frequent during my time with Lily.

Leave it to her to lighten the moment, same way she always does.

“So…besides flamingos, what other shorts do you have?”

27

ROMAN

“Alright, Doc, what are we doing today?”

Is it a figment of my imagination, or is she nervous?

She lets go of her bottom lip that she was chewing on and says, “I thought we’d try the parallel bars today.”

I glance toward the bars and sigh. I hate that fucking harness.

“Without the harness.”

My head snaps back to Lily. “What?” When she only gives me a patient and knowing look, I say, “Lily, I just barely mastered standing on my own. And now you want me to walk?”

She nods in answer.

I look around the room, panic instantly rushing through my veins. This is a huge ask, even for Lily.

“Are we using the FES pads?” I ask, looking forsomekind of crutch.

She shakes her head. “No. You can lean on the bars if you need to.”

I gape at her. “IfI need to? Lily, I’mgoingto need to. I can’t walk.”

Her eyes narrow at me. She’s been getting more and more strict about me not using that kind of language.

Sure enough, she growls, “Don’t make me paint a rah-rah motivational slogan on the wall. You know I’ll do it.”

My gaze slides over to the bars, my heart beating harder and harder against my ribs. I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming. We’ve been repping the same exercises for a while now; I should’ve known I was due for another push-that-feels-too-hard. I guess I got lost in the enjoying-Lily part of therapy.

“So, you want me to just…stand up between the bars and walk?” I ask in a voice that’s too shaky for my liking.

“Yes,” she answers firmly, walking over to the bars. “We’ve worked on all the movements separately, and we’ve built up your strength… so, now it’s time to put it all together.”

“Why can’t we put it all together with the harness?” I’m pleading, but I’m so terrified of what a failure right now might look like that I don’t even care.

“Because you’ve been using it as a crutch, both mentally and physically.” She takes up a stance between the bars, one hand on each side, and gives me an expectant look. “We’ve been putting this off, and you know it. Come on.”

I glance toward the lifting area, wondering if I have any shot at convincing her to just do strength training today, to give me one more session before we try for something this big, but she sees right through me.

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