Page 77 of Revive Me

Ah, fuck.

I clear my throat with a cough. “Yeah.”

“Oh my God, I saw you fight at the Garden in 2021! Your fights wereinsane, dude. I swear, you made it look like your opponents were working in slow motion.”

Another awkward throat clear. “Thanks, man.”

Finally, fuckingfinally, reality hits Sean in the face like I’ve punched him. His gaze lowers to my legs, and then flicks to my wheelchair.

“Oh… Oh shit.Shit. I completely forgot about the accident. I’m so sorry. I feel like an asshole.”

“All good, don’t worry about it.” But my voice is like sandpaper.

Which Sean hears, because he rushes to fix his fuckup. Gesturing toward Lily, he says, “But you said she’s been helping, yeah? That’s good!”

I don’t respond this time. And Sean can’t seem to help himself because he still follows that up with, “Do you think you’ll fight again?”

That familiar feeling of dread starts to slowly drip down my spine.

I give him a half-answer. “Not at the UFC level, no.”

“Ah. Okay. But I bet they have tons of coaching jobs, right?”

I force a smile this time. “Yeah, probably.”

And because I don’t think I can handle any more of his questions, I quickly steer the conversation in a different direction, not caring how sudden it is. “So…what’s the reason for the visit?”

Thankfully, Sean accepts the topic switch. Looking over at his dad and sister, he says, “We’ve got a family trip coming up, and Dad just wanted to pick Lily’s brain for some of the planning. We were finishing up a late lunch when he got the idea in his head.”

“Ah, okay. Where’s the trip?”

“Moab out in Utah. We’re going canyoneering.”

I rack my brain for what that might be, but the only thing I can think of people traveling to Utah for is the national parks. “Is that…hiking?”

Sean’s face lights up. “More like extreme hiking. They take you to these awesome canyons, but to get to and through them you have to hike, rock climb, rappel, swim, everything. The package I found also includes white water rafting in the tour. It’s awesome.”

“And Lily’s going with you?” I ask.

“It was her idea. For every family trip, a different person picks the destination and activity. I picked last time when we went shark diving. My brother picked skiing in the Alps the year before. This year was Lily’s turn.”

Shark diving? Skiing? Extreme hiking?

I can’t even fathom going for a walk along the river.

The discomfort inside me grows, slowly morphing into an entirely different animal. This is…a lifestyle I can’t access. I’m not sure why it’s only sinking in now, considering I’ve known how much she enjoys adventurous activities, but hearing her brother talk about how often she does them and how excited they make her… It’s finally hitting me just how different our lives are.

I swallow roughly, then again, trying desperately to swallow my unease.

At the same time, Lily starts walking back toward me, her father in tow. She must see something on my face because her steps stutter.

I will my face to become blank, hoping she couldn’t read much from it just now. Then I force a smile.

“So, you’ve got a trip coming up?” I ask, attempting a light tone.

She turns toward Sean, her brow furrowing. But almost immediately, she’s turning back to me, her confusion morphing into worry. “Yeah…” she starts, sounding hesitant. “I’m sorry, I was planning on telling you, I just hadn’t gotten around to it yet. We’re doing a long weekend, so I’ll miss your Saturday session.” She twists her hands, and I wonder who she’s nervous for—her or me. “I always schedule a replacement PT for my patients when I travel, so you’ll still get your session in. If…that’s what you’re worried about.”

I wave her off with an attempt at nonchalance. “I wasn’t worried. I knew you’d take care of me.”

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