Page 109 of Revive Me

“So…the PT my boss recommended worked out then?”

Roman watches me for a moment, but in a way that I can’t read. After a moment, he nods and says, “Dr. Martin, yeah. He’s great.” His lip quirks with amusement. “He hurt my feelings a lot less than I’m used to in a rehab environment, but we’ve accomplished what we set out to.”

A wet laugh bursts out of me. “I feel like I should apologize, but I don’t really want to.”

The smile he gives me is warm, and it does things to me I can’t understand in this emotional whirlwind. “I don’t want you to, either,” he says.

I hesitate for a moment, then slowly take a step toward Roman. “Are you still working with him? I mean, where are you in your PT?”

He studies me, and this time, I can read his expression. It’s adoration.

“You can’t help yourself, can you?” he asks softly. “You go right back to caring.”

I’m already moving, already one step closer to him. “I never stopped caring,” I whisper, close enough now that I need to look up to meet his eyes.

His throat moves with a swallow, his eyes dipping to my mouth before meeting mine again, emotions flickering in his gaze. But he still answers my question. “Yeah, I’m still working with him. I like his methods. I’ll probably keep him for a while.”

Relief warms my body. “Good, I’m glad,” I say with a smile.

And then all small talk, all softness disappears from the air, and everything sobers with the intensity of his eyes on me. He leans his crutches against the wall, then turns back to me and says simply, “You were right, you know.”

I suck in a breath. I have no idea what he’s about to say, but I’m hoping so hard that I was right about one thing in particular that I can’t breathe around the feeling.

His smile his sad, his voice tender. “I needed to do it on my own. You were right to make me.”

And if I thought my relief was great before, it’s nothing compared to what I feel when he says that.

“I’m so, so grateful that I had you with me in the beginning,” he starts, taking a step closer, “because I was in dire need of a kick in the ass. You were exactly what I needed at that point in my life. And I appreciate you so much for it. But…” His eyes take on a shine that just makes my eyes burn again. “But I needed to take that final step on my own.”

He lets out a stuttered exhale, and I wonder ifhefeels relief, too. Like maybe he’s been wanting to say this out loud.

And now that they’re out, it’s like the dam has broken, and all the other thoughts come rushing out.

“At first, everything felt meaningless,” he says. “I knew I’d never get back to the life I had, so even trying felt pointless. I couldn’t wrap my head around what a life without fighting looked like and, honestly, a part of me didn’t want to. But…thenyoucame around, and you made it feel like a rehabilitation goal was not only worthwhile, but achievable. You gave mehope, Liliana. You…revived me.” He smiles and reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, a hurricane of emotions swirling in his eyes. But just as quickly, his hand drops and he looks away. “I should’ve realized sooner that I had subconsciously started to convince myself that walking would magically fix everything. That if I could just walk, I would feel like myself again, and that I would regain everything I had lost. Because I still felt like I was missing myself.”

He pulls in a shaky breath, seemingly composing himself. And this time when he turns back to me, he’s wearing the same look I noticed when he walked over: the look of a self-assured man.

His voice is quiet but strong when he says, “It took the kick in the ass that you gave me to remember I was already whole. To realize that I had become so focused on what I lost that I forgot to look at what I have.Youreminded me how much good I have in my life. I just needed to give myself permission to explore it. To start living again.”

The need to hug him, to tell him I’mso proudof him, is becoming overwhelming, but I also don’t want to interrupt him.

“And I’m sorry you ever felt like that pressure was on you,” he says in a near-whisper, his voice rife with emotion. “Your only job was to help with my physical rehab. I never should have let you feel like you needed to carry the burden of my mental health problems, or—God forbid—my self-worth. And I’m so,sosorry you ever felt like you needed to.”

“I would have,” I admit, unable to stay quiet at this point. “If I thought it would help you, if it would have brought happiness into your life, I would have. In a heartbeat.”

He smiles, his hand coming up to cup my face. His thumb brushes over my cheek, the touch leaving a trail of warmth on my skin. “I know,” he says affectionately. “It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”

I suck in a startled breath. I don’t know if I’m more caught off guard by his casual confession, or the look in his eyes as he says it.

Part of me wonders if he even realizes what he just said. Especially when his next words are, “It’s also one of the reasons I hate myself for putting your job in jeopardy. I was a selfish prick for risking your career like that, and I’ll never forgive myself for it.”

“Roman,no.” I reach up to cup the hand still holding my face. “We did that together; that’s not on you.Idon’t even hate you for that.”

His lips lift in another warm smile, his thumb smoothing over my cheek again. But after a moment, he sighs and drops his hand. “I’m just glad nothing happened. Partly because I never could have forgiven myself, but also because I didn’t deserve the privilege to have you like that. And…” An intensity flares in his eyes that takes my breath away once again. “I don’t know if I deserve it now, but I think I’m dying without you. I couldn’t go another day without seeing you and telling you thank you and,God, you’re just so beautiful.”

I choke on a sob, my hand coming up to cover my mouth. I’m too overwhelmed to respond, so Roman takes this opportunity to take my face in his hands—both hands, this time—and look down at me with a level of longing that I never thought I’d see again.

“Liliana…” The sound of my name on his lips is the best thing I’ve ever heard. “I miss you. Every single day. And I’m sograteful for you. You saved my life. And hopefully, I’ll never be able to return the favor, but I’d love to return it with other things, instead. Happiness. Comfort. Excitement. Love. So, Liliana…” He smiles then, so much love and tenderness in his eyes that I think my heart might fly right out of my chest. “Will you do me the honor of going to the movies with me?”

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