Page 103 of Revive Me

“But I won’t.”

My head snaps up in shock. “You…What?”

“I’m not going to report you, Lily,” Fran says in that same even tone. “Or fire you. But Iamputting you on probation.”

My head is still spinning. “Why… why would you do that? I don’t understand. I broke so many rules. I did the most unethical thing I can think of in this profession, I… I don’t understand.”

“If it were any other therapist, or any otherpatient, I would.” Her tone eases. “But I know you. I know your soul, Lily. I know that you wish every day that you could take your patients’ pain from them. I know that if you did something like this, there was anirrefutablereason for it. Not to mention, I also know Roman. I saw how he changed, between his first day and now, and I saw how much your care meant to him. How much it affected his recovery. Howyouhelped him. I think that’s why I didn’t ask you more often how things were going.”

When she hesitates, I look up at her with a confused frown. She’s studying me. “I was also scared of what would happen to him if I disrupted your process with him. Which I was apparently right about.”

My frown deepens. “What do you mean?” I ask with a sniffle.

Another hesitation. Then, “He hasn’t been back to the clinic since I reassigned him. He never showed up to his sessions with the new PT last week.”

And after everything, maybe that cuts the most. Because regardless of what I fucked up, regardless of the mistakesImade, the only thing I ever wanted for Roman is a better quality of life. “Then none of it helped,” I say, my voice thick as tears start to fall again. “He’s right back to square one. Everything I did, everything I justified—it didn’t work.”

“Oh, Lily,” Fran says with a sigh. “Did you really think his recovery wasn’t going to have some highs and lows? When I admitted him in here as a patient, I expected him to quit twice as many times as he has. He’s not back at square one, I can promise you that.” She waits until I meet her eyes before saying, “You know just like I do that that man has more fight left in him.”

And I realize…she’s right. My guilt hasn’t allowed me to see how much hope I still harbor for Roman’s health and happiness. But the truth is, I believe in his ability to betterhimselffar more than I’m letting myself admit.

I reach for the tissue box on Fran’s desk to wipe the tears off my face. “Even still,” I murmur, still nervous about this part of the conversation, “I can’t be the one in his corner anymore.”

“No, you cannot,” Fran agrees, standing from her chair and rounding her desk to settle in her own office chair. “I would have pulled him as your client.” Her focus has already locked back on her computer screen, but it flits to me for a split second. “But I’m glad you recognized that before I needed to act on it. If nothing else, that tells me that you’re still somewhat clear-headed enough about this whole thing.” Her gaze moves back to her screen. “I’ll deal with Roman. But as far asyournext steps…”

I stiffen in my seat before hanging my head. “I’ll accept any punishment you see fit. Just tell me what you want me to do. Anything is a blessing compared to losing my license.”

“And don’t ever forget that. No, you’re not losing your license or your job. But I’m officially putting you on probation for the next six months. I will be in complete control of your case load, and you will do a weekly debrief session with me to review every single one of your patients. If I see any unprofessional behavior, any at all, you’re gone. I’m not doing a repeat of this, Lily.”

I shake my head rapidly. “Never. This willneverhappen again, I promise.”

Fran nods her approval. “Good. There’s one more thing.”

My brow furrows with confusion, but I say anyway, “Anything.”

She holds my gaze, imprinting the importance of whatever she’s about to say.

“No one can know about this. As of right now, what happened between you and Roman Ward does not leave this office.”

My eyes widen. I know she’s right because I know how badly my professional reputation would be tarnished If something like this came out even as a rumor.

It’s just hitting me a little hard that this also means?—

“That also means you two cannot haveanykind of relationship right now,” Fran confirms. “It would be far too easy for people to put two and two together if you two remained friends. It’s easier to say you two hit a wall in his recovery and he transferred clinics to continue his physical therapy elsewhere.”

I nod, feeling miserable. “You don’t have to worry about that. He wants nothing to do with me anyway.”

Fran gives me an odd look. I expect her to comment on what I just said, but she only shakes her head.

“Regardless, we just need it to be quiet. I’ve taken care of the rest.” Her expression becomes stern. “Are we clear about everything?”

I nod once more. “Crystal. I can’t thank you enough, Fran.” My voice cracks as I add, “I don’t deserve you, but I’m grateful for you.”

At that, Fran releases an exhale and stands from her chair, then comes around to lift me from mine so she can wrap her arms around me.

“You’re a good person, Lily,” she whispers in my ear. “Don’t lose sight of that in all of this.”

I don’t know if I can agree with her at the moment, but I return the hug with a squeeze anyway.

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