Page 102 of Revive Me

I nod my defeat and fall into her arms. But even as I prepare to come clean, and to possibly lose my job, my license, mylife, all I can think about is…

If he’s happy and better off at the end of all this, it was worth it.

* * *

I look like a wreck when I walk into the clinic a few hours later. I debated waiting a day or two to hopefully pull myself together a little more, but in the end, I decided I don’t want to wait. I need to deal with this.

I enter through the back door at a time when only a few other people are still working, and immediately approach Fran’s office. She calls for me to come in as soon as I knock, but does a triple-take when she finally looks up at me.

“What’s wrong?” she demands, standing from her chair and coming around her desk. “What happened?”

“Do you have a few minutes to talk?” I ask instead.

“Of course, of course.” She gestures for me to sit in one of the guest chairs, and she takes the one beside it. “Tell me what happened.”

I suck in a shaky breath. All day, I’ve been trying to figure out what to say and how to start, but I’m no closer to knowing the right answer. So I just…start talking.

“Fran, I made a mistake. I…developed an inappropriate relationship with a patient.”

A wall drops over Fran’s eyes, making it impossible to read her. She leans back in her chair as she studies me.

“This is about Roman.” She says it as a statement, not a question.

I nod. I had already assumed it wouldn’t be hard to guess which of my patients.

“It was only a friendship for the longest time,” I explain, trying to make my voice sound as neutral as possible, and not at all defensive. “But then that friendship went beyond the clinic. I knew even that was wrong, but…” I swallow thickly. “I felt that I could help Roman as more than just his physical therapist.”

The words taste bitter on my tongue. Because while that’s true in a way, none of what I did was solely because I wanted to help Roman. I didn’t give him my pity friendship.

I wantedhisfriendship.

“I see,” Fran says, still giving nothing away. “And I’m assuming this friendship later developed…feelings?”

I’m grateful for her wording. If she had asked me relationship questions, or—God forbid—questions about whether a physical relationship developed, I probably would have given everything away and expired on the spot.

Again, I nod slowly. Then, deciding to be honest aboutmyfeelings, I admit, “It was impossible not to. With him.”

That finally elicits a reaction I can decipher. Fran softens the tiniest bit before letting out a heavy exhale.

“Lily, I’ve been a manager within the healthcare space for almost twenty years. I’ve knownyoufor almost ten. I’d like to think I can read people well enough to not be completely oblivious.” Sliding her glasses off, she massages the bridge of her nose. “To be honest, I should take partial responsibility for this. I had a feeling something was going on.”

I drop my gaze, shame rolling through me. I’ve known Fran since I was a senior in high school—she was my dad’s physical therapist and became something of a mentor for me way before she ever hired me as a PT. The last thing I ever wanted to do with all this was hurt someone I respect so much.

Fran continues her thought. “But I, too, was amazed by Roman’s progress. I just figured whatever friendship you two had struck up was working. I should have realized that wasn’t the end of it.” She pauses, and when she speaks again, the disappointment in her voice is obvious. “You know better, Lily.”

I choke on the sob I’ve been holding back. This feels almost as bad as my conversation with Roman.

“I know,” I say, a tear running down my cheek as I look up to meet Fran’s eyes again. “And I am so,sosorry. You’re right, I should have known better. I should have told you sooner. I just— I don’t know why?—”

I feel Fran’s eyes on me as I once again try to compose myself. I have no idea what she’s thinking, or where she’s going to take this. My future really is in her hands at this point.

As if reading my mind, she says in an even tone, “I should fire you.”

I flinch at the harsh statement.

“I should report you to the state board, too. On paper, this is an abuse of power and any future patient in your care would be at risk.”

My stomach sinks. I knew this was the most likely outcome, but I never really thought?—

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