Page 101 of Revive Me

With another swig of whiskey, I think,one can only hope.

33

LILIANA

A week after my fight with Roman, Tina finds me miserably jabbing at the buttons on our coffee machine.

She bumps me aside to take over coffee duties, and once the air fills with the smell of brewing coffee, she turns around and crosses her arms, fixing me with a hard stare.

“Alright, I think I’ve given you more than enough time and space. Are you ready to talk about whatever happened last week?”

I pluck at a string on my sweatshirt. “Not really,” I murmur sullenly.

She lets out a sad sigh and drops her arms to her sides. “Justtalkto me. You’ve barely left the house and…I can hear you crying at night.” When I only sniffle in response, she adds quietly, “I already know it’s about Roman.”

It doesn’t even surprise me by now that my feelings for Roman were this obvious to everyone. But I still ask, “How?”

She gives me a sad smile. “Because he’s the only one I’ve ever known to affect you this strongly. Nowandtwo years ago.”

I let out a shaky exhale and nod. “Yeah, it’s about Roman.”

Tina’s eyes move over my face for a moment before she nods and turns around to quickly prepare two cups of coffee for us.

“Start at the beginning,” she says as she slides a mug over to me.

Forty-five minutes later, I’ve confessed every honest, ugly truth. I’ve been crying on and off, and I think I’ve hit every emotion on the spectrum with the chronological retelling. By the time I tell Tina about the fight with Roman, I’m in the same heartbroken state I was in when I walked away from Roman.

“You did the right thing with him,” Tina says, her tone gentle. It’s the first time she’s said anything, so I release a single, somewhat relieved breath when she says that. “There’s no way you could have kept working with him after that.”

“I know, I just… I can’t stop worrying about him. I knew he wasn’t going to react well to it, but I didn’t think he’d just quit entirely.” When I wipe away yet another tear, Tina hands me a tissue. “I wasn’t trying to hurt him. But now I’m worried that I ruined everything.”

“Lily, you can’t feel guilty for Roman quitting,” Tina says, her tone somehow both gentle and stern. “Ifhe quits, that’s his decision. He’s a grown man. You’re not responsible for his life choices.”

But then she pauses, and I look up to see her nervously mulling something over. I know what she’s going to say before she even opens her mouth, and my stomach sinks.

The look she gives me is almost pitying as she says, “But you are responsible foryourlife choices. And Lily…you need to come clean to your boss.”

I nod miserably. “I know. I’ve been stressing over this all week. These past few months, I wanted to tell Fran so many times, but every time I almost walked into her office, I just…couldn’t. Because of Roman.”

Tina gives me a confused look, but I’m relieved to see there’s no judgment in it. “What do you mean?”

“Tina, he gotbetter,” I rush to explain. “Everything I was doing, all the texting and time we spent together, all of it washelpinghim. He was motivated, he was trying—he was finally making real progress for the first time in two years.”

“Is that why you did it?”

My gaze drops to my lap, throat tightening up.Because no, that’s not why I did it.

When I finally gather the strength to look up again, I shouldn’t be surprised by the sadness that enters Tina’s eyes, because it’s merely a confirmation of what I’ve known subconsciously this whole time.

“Because that doesn’t make it okay,” she says with an expression that shows just how kind she’s being about this. “You have a moral obligation as a healthcare provider, Lily.”

“I know,” I whisper. “I know, I know.”

“So, then you have to tell your boss,” she pushes. “For one, it’s the right thing to do. For another, it’s clearly eating you up inside. This is what you’ve been stressed about, isn’t it?”

I nod silently.

“Tell Fran. Tell her the truth, and deal with this the right way.” When she takes my hands in hers, the touch warm and comforting, my eyes fill with tears all over again. “And no matter what happens, I’ll be here for you.” She gives me a love-filled smile, her eyes also glassy. “We’ll figure it out, Lily. You’ll be okay, too.”

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