Page 71 of Levi

“Angry? At me? For what?” I snap back, interrupting her, because what the hell does she have to be angry about?

“It shouldn't have been at you. It was misdirected anger, and that's unfair. I guess I've just been jealous. I've made horrible choices and hurt so many people in the process,” Ally says quietly.

“Where is all of this coming from?” I ask, my brain still trying to catch up.

Ally fiddles with her sweatshirt, playing with the strings, focusing on them way too intensely, and I know this must be hard for her. She hates being wrong, so the fact that she's willingly admitting to this…it's a lot for her. She may piss me off, but I can still appreciate the growth.

Doesn’t make her less of a brat, though.

“Like I said,” she finally starts, “last night Uncle Ronnie and I talked, and after he yelled at me for a good thirty minutes, I knew I had to make things right. I went over to Levi's house to find you. I wanted to talk, try to work things out—but you weren't home.”

“But I saw you two…the way you were smiling…when he hugged you—I saw it with my own eyes, Ally,” I tell her, and I feel the tears starting to well up.

“Quinn, what you saw was the two of us talking for the first time in a long time. But I was there for you. You were the one I wanted to talk to first, to apologize. It’s taken me this long to realize just how much of a bitch I’ve been. How selfish I’ve been over the years not only to you but to everyone around me. It’s like I had this idea of what life should be, and it didn’t matter who I hurt in order for it to look like I had it all. The perfect boyfriend, the perfect job, all because growing up I was told that I was never going to be perfect.”

The wheels in my mind start moving a million miles an hour, processing her apology, admitting she’s been selfish, but the part that hurts me the most is that someone told her she wasn’t perfect.

But no one is.

It’s fucking impossible to be perfect, and it’s stupid—why would we want to be perfect?

It’s not even her fault, she just never knew where to direct her attention, so she always felt like she was behind…like she was failing. She couldn’t get focused on what she wanted to do in her life, so I feel like, right now, she’s settled on working with our uncle.

But it’s not because she’s not incredible.

“Who said you weren’t perfect?” I finally ask, unable to care about anything else at that moment.

She looks shocked as she whispers, “Mom…and Dad.” The pain in her eyes…I can feel it deep in my bones. It’s not an act; that pain runs deep, and it kills me.

“I’m so sorry they said that to you, but it’s simply not true.”

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew the truth,” Ally says, her eyes welling up as she averts her gaze, quickly wiping away the tears.

I want to reach for her, embrace her, because even after everything I still hate to see her hurting, but I don’t move. I don’t think she’s ready, and truthfully, I’m not sure I am either. So instead, I just wait.

“I ruined everything,” Ally whispers.

“What did you ruin?”

“Our relationship. Your relationship with Levi. My relationship with Levi. Basically every relationship I’ve had lately all because I’m selfish and too stubborn to admit I fucked up and didn’t know how to fix it.”

“Please elaborate.”

“I knew how you felt about Levi,” she says and my heart hurts because even though I knew it, part of me didn’t want to believe my own sister was capable of that. “I still worked to keep you two apart, even though I regretted it the second I asked Levi out…it just felt so nice to have someone treat me nicely. He was nice because he was hurt after I told him you didn’t have feelings for him, so I gave him attention, but it was still enough to make me feel worthsomethingafter our parents made me feel like I was worth nothing.”

“You could have told me at any time…I would have forgiven you if I just knew the truth.”

“You say that now…but you have it all figured out, now. Your life is perfect. Who knows if you would’ve reacted the same back then. Now you have the perfect job, the perfect friends, a great boyfriend. Me? I have none of those.”

“Really? I have a good job, but Uncle Ronnie treats me like crap most of the time. And besides, I might’ve quit that job.”

“Yeah, he mentioned that, but I wouldn’t worry, he refused to accept it.”

“What do you mean?”

“That's why he talked to me, and that's why I'm here. He never yells, he just doesn’t. Part of me thinks it just goes back to when he overheard our parents telling me I’d never be perfect, comparing me to you—my younger sister who has it all. I think that’s why he babies me, treating me like I’m made of glass and it’s his job to keep me from falling apart.”

It's starting to make more sense now. The idea that Uncle Ronnie wasn't being mean, he just knew I could handle more because my spirit had never been crushed by the people who were supposed to protect me.

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