Page 70 of Levi

There'snothing like being woken up to someone pounding on your door at six a.m. to start your day with a big ol’ kick in the ass. It takes effort, but somehow I force myself out of the surprisingly comfortable hotel bed and throw on a robe to get decent.

After a nice long shower last night, I crawled in bed naked and passed out. Sue me. It was comfortable.

Opening the door, I'm shocked to see Ally standing on the other side, her phone in one hand, the other balled into a fist and ready to knock again. She’s never been very patient, but I figured at this time of day she’d be a little less annoying.

“What the hell are you doing here at the crack of dawn?” I snap, instantly irritated that she's here. Everyone knows I have a thirty-minute rule in the morning. If you wake me up, I need coffee and thirty minutes, and then we can talk.

Besides, why is she even here? Is she just coming to gloat? Does she want to tell me what happened between her and Levi and rub it in my face? Yeah, I could live without all that.

“The crack of dawn?” Ally says slowly as she holds up her phone that says 9:10. “Not sure when nine became the crack of dawn but my bad, I guess? Besides, I'm not even here for me…well, I mean... I am. But that’s not why I’m here…at least not today,” she rambles, her voice getting quicker and higher as she talks, her nervous chatter always having made me giggle before, but now it's just annoying me.

What the fuck does she want? Also, how is it already nine in the morning when I feel like it should still be the middle of the night.

None of this is making sense.

“What do you want Ally?”

“Can we talk?”

“You want to talk? To me? What are we supposed to be talking about Ally?” I snap, still standing in the doorway, feeling like I'm having a conversation with a stranger.

Sometimes it feels like she is a stranger, like my own big sister knows me as well as a random person off the street.

“Did you come here to gloat that you won, again? Or did you just want to see the look on my face when you told me?” I spit out, cutting her off before she can talk as the memories of seeing her at Levi’s last night hit me like a punch to the gut, a wave of nausea following as I think about what I might have seen had I not made the driver turn around.

This explains my headache and the empty wine bottle I noticed on the dresser. I guess I decided to numb my pain with wine, even know that, unfortunately, that’s a temporary fix. Now I’m sad and have a headache, and honestly that’s fucking worse.

Looking up, my eyes well with tears, the realization hitting that I will never be enough for him. I'll never be who he wants. The only girl he's ever truly dated. I’ll never be Ally…it doesn’t matter what I do, or how much I try to show Levi that we could be it. I try to show how I really feel about him, but it'll never get me what I’ve wanted for so many years now. It hurts, but it has to be okay.

I have to be okay.

I have not gotten this far in life to be brought down by a man.

But it doesn’t feel like I will be okay right now. It feels like I’m suffocating. My heart breaking as the realization of just how deeply I love him flows through my veins, filling every part of my body.

“What did I win? And what do I need to tell you?” Ally says, and when I look back at her, she looks confused, no longer the angry, grumpy sister I’m used to seeing.

She almost looks sad.

“I saw you two last night,” I explain, trying to put a little oomph in my words, made it seem like I'm less broken than I actually am.

Ally just stares at me for a moment, confused at first, until her eyes widen and she takes a step back.

“Oh shit, Quinn. You’re not talking about me and Levi, are you?” she says, and it feels like she's confirming it, like the nervousness in her voice is giving away that she’s scared they’ve been caught. “You didn’t see anything bad. I wasn't there for him. I was actually there, I mean…I went over there to see if I could get you to talk to me.”

“What?” I ask stupidly.

Ally looks down the hall, and I'm halfway expecting to see someone walking towards us, but she looks back at me, almost pleading. “Can I come in for this?”

Stepping back, I open the door and let her in. We migrate to the chairs and both silently take a seat, and I'm giving her time to gather her thoughts.

“Uncle Ronnie came and found me last night after the game, and he was pretty pissed off. He sort of demanded I tell him the truth. About everything. About us. About me and Levi. And well, I guess I just got tired of being an asshole all the time. It's exhausting.

Okay, so maybe I have it all wrong.

“What are you saying?” I ask, my brain unable to compute.

“I'm trying to say that I'm sorry. I know I've been awful and such a bitch for so long…but I've just been angry.”

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