Page 29 of Levi

“I’m not sure what I need to say to get this through your head,” he snaps.

“Get what through my head?”

“You are theonlyperson I call, Q.”

I freeze, my breath getting caught in my chest, and I just look up at him as I try to figure out what else that could mean because there’s no way he just calls me… right? His eyes drop from mine to my lips, and for a moment I almost think he’s going to kiss me, and I can’t tell if I’m terrified or excited.

Yet, I’m still confused. Levi has to have other hookups, right? There’s no way a man as hot as he is, who’s so charismatic, is going to go without sex during the months between our hookups. The man loves to fuck—he’d need to have more than just me.

I mean, I just haven’t had time to go out and meet anyone else, which is part of the reason it’s really only been Levi who I’ve been with for what seems like years. But that’s just me, and in the times I’ve wanted a hookup, it’s usually just my battery-operated boyfriend, BOB, who always does the trick.

“You don’t have to try to make me feel more important than I actually am, Levi. I know the arrangement we have, and I have never tried to make it something that it wasn’t,” I tell him, forcing a smile because I don’t want him to see that, although deep down I know these things, I still don’t like being reminded of them.

“Why aren’t you listening to me?” Levi groans. “I’m not trying to make you feel anything. I’m just telling you the facts.”

I swallow, the feeling foreign as I stare back at him, the frustration in his eyes evident, and I hate that it’s me he’s frustrated with. But it’s hard not to have so many doubts when all I’ve been told for years is that he wasn’t interested in me, my sister loving to remind me of this little fact anytime she could.

Don’t be needy…don’t be needy…don’t be needy….

“Could you repeat the…facts once more? Please?” I whisper.

“You,” he says slowly, “are the only person I call when I want to fuck. You are the only person, Q. If it’s not you, it’s no one.”

My heart starts racing, one tiny little butterfly escaping the vault I’ve locked them away in along with my feelings for him. It’s faint, but the tiny spark of hope is there, yet I can’t bring myself to talk because I just don’t know what to say.

Kissing my forehead softly, he leans back casually, one arm still around me, and he looks comfortable. “I’ve told you before, Q, when it comes to sex, we just work. It’s like we’re so compatible in that area.”

And just like that, the butterfly dies, burned by his words and the meaning behind them. I’m not an idiot. He likes me…in the bedroom. Outside of that, we don’t really click.

“We do, that’s for sure. I guess I’m just surprised there’s no one else,” I tell him truthfully, drinking back the last of my water.

He shrugs. “You leave me plenty satisfied,” he says, and whether I like it or not, that does give me a boost of confidence. I mean, yeah, we are good together in that way. I just also think we’re compatible in other parts of our life as well and wish he felt the same. But, at this point, it’s pretty damn clear that he won’t. That my sister has something I lack, and while I don’t understand it, it’s clear as day that Levi did.

So why the fuck aren’t we hooking up? If he’s never going to want me, I might as well enjoy this.

Bad idea. Reallllly bad idea.

But there’s a little voice inside my head chanting “Do it, do it, do it!” and dammit, I kind of want to.

But I refuse to be the one to crack and break the rules. I’m just going to make him break first.

CHAPTER13

LEVI

Walking into the kitchen,the first thing I do is turn the coffee pot on. I need liquid energy if I’m going to make it through the day. I was definitely tired enough this morning that it probably would’ve been a good idea to sleep in a bit, but I’m not willing to do that on our days off. They are just so few and far between that I try to soak up as much of the free time as possible.

I just wish I had a bit more energy to enjoy the morning. I tossed and turned the entirety of the night, immediately regretting that I didn't kiss Quinn when I’d had the chance, and that was all I could think about until the damn sun came up. I wanted to kiss her at the bar. Hell, I wanted to kiss her outside the bar when I got her settled on the scooter. I sure as fuck wanted to kiss her when we got inside my house and she looked up at me with those come-fuck-me eyes I fall for damn near every time.

But I didn't—because boundaries and all that bullshit.

At least that's what I keep telling myself, but at this point I’m not even sure. It feels like I’m constantly flip-flopping inside my own brain, and I can’t keep up. The only thing I know is that I'm afraid if I get too comfortable with her, my heart won’t understand that this is supposed to be temporary, and I might get attached.

It's a survival mechanism that stems from the fear of losing people I care about, and it’s the same reason I never date. It feels like the second I let down my walls, I’m just setting myself up for heartbreak. It probably started when my parents left and is just something I’ve never fully gotten over. Or the fact that the one woman I was stupid enough to get a ring for and tried to plan forever with was the wrong woman and ended up cheating on me.

But last night was one of the few times that I almost snapped. All I could think about was throwing our one fucking rule—or, rather, ourno fuckingrule—out the window and taking her right where we stood.

But I didn't.

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