Page 77 of Lesson In Faith

One sharp, unhappy nod.

“What do you want me to tell him?”

Tamsyn clenched her teeth together, balancing on the edge of no return, then jabbed her finger at the floor.

“He doesn’t need to come here. We said nine o’clock at his cabin if you agreed.”

Yes, well, heragreementwas going to be on her own damn terms. Truth be told, she didn’t think her nerves or her legs would maintain her dignity if she had to walk over to Fordham’s cabin; she was already trembling and trying to persuade herself it was anger.

Finally meeting his eyes, she repeated the jabbing motion, more strongly this time.

Merrick’s jaw tightened, but he nodded. “All right. Now?”

She hesitated, then nodded. Immediately, she wanted to curl up in a ball and sob her heart out, but she understood she needed to be stronger than that. She needed to convince herself she was brave enough to see her decision through to the end.

There was no way she could sleep in their bed tonight, next to him, wondering when the topic of sex was going to pop up and put them through this hell again. She couldn’t have his hands on her, his mouth, knowing that it would never go any further until the bane of her existence was gone.

He set the phone down and pulled out his own, his thumb pausing over the screen. With a resigned glance at her face, he made the call, switching it to speakerphone so she could hear the tinny ring.

“Merrick. Change of heart?” Fordham asked without so much as a hello.

“No.” Merrick bit off the single syllable sharply. “Tamsyn wants to move it forward.”

“She agreed?” Surprise filtered through the line. “That’s a shock in itself. Okay, so when—”

“Now.”

“Well, hell. Yeah, sure, I guess… This is her choice?”

Tamsyn’s heart squeezed as she read Merrick’s face. He hated this as much as she did, she realized. It was hurting him as deeply as it wounded her. She saw it reflect in his eyes before he shoved it back, replacing it with the conviction he was doing the right thing.

For her, not him.

“Yes. It’s her choice.” He cleared his throat. “Need you to come here, Ford. Her request.”

“All right,” Fordham replied slowly. “Let me get changed and I’ll be over.”

“Thanks.” Merrick ended the call, put his phone away. “Do you need anything, Tamsyn?” When she shook her head, desperate to crawl into his arms, he nodded. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

As he walked out, spine straight and rigid, she wondered how the evening had gone so far off track. How the last half an hour had flown by so quickly and brought with it so many changes.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, water trickling down her neck and chest from her sopping hair, she gripped the towel dug deep for the courage to get through whatever came next, because it sure as hell wasn’t going to be anything like she’d fantasized.

There was no point getting dressed, was there?

There was no reason to delay matters once Fordham arrived.

She’d let him fuck her, then lock the whole disastrous night in the vault where it belonged, never to be revisited.

Something crashed in the kitchen, making her jump. It was followed swiftly by the shattering of glass, then several hard, nasty thumps.

Merrick was taking his frustrations out on whatever came to hand by the sound of it.

Should she go to him?

Would she just make it worse?

Knuckling her eyes, she stood and began to dry herself off. The towel ran over her skin, and she couldn’t help imagining what Fordham would think of her skinny body, the scars, the pathetic way she almost doubled over in an effort to protect herself from his phantom stare.

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