Page 26 of Lesson In Faith

“Well, that’s problematic. She’ll be waited on hand and foot, Merrick. She’ll be safe and warm, thanks to you.”

Beneath the thinning layer of sedation, Tamsyn’s insecurities roared to life. The new boundaries Linnie laid out were nothing she hadn’t heard before, but the loss of Merrick? The threat forced her heart into skipping several beats.

She tried searching for his eyes, for an opportunity to beg him without a voice not to throw her away. She didn’t understand what she’d done for him to consider Linnie’s proposal; whatever it was, she’d fix it. Somehow.

A desperate, pathetic noise echoed in her throat.

Merrick didn’t even glance at her. Thumb rubbing back and forth over his mouth, he stared at the cast on her arm without seeing it.

What was he thinking? Was he imagining how easy it would be without her cluttering his life? How much time he’d regain when he didn’t have to feed her, bathe her, carry her useless carcass to and from the bathroom? How nice it would be to sleep in his own bed?

“I’ll give her a shot of pain meds to help with the wrist. The break wasn’t too misaligned, but she’ll still be sore. I can bump the sedation, keep her under while we make the transition back to the clubhouse—”

“No.”

Hope kindled beneath the fear eating through her stomach like acid.

“Merrick, consider what’s best forher.”

“I am. This lifestyle isn’t hers, Linnie. She can’t go home, won’t stay here, so once she finds her feet and her freedom, she’ll go her own way. Until then, she stays here with me unless she chooses otherwise.” He skewered the doctor with a hard stare when she tried to protest. “I know the score. She’s everything I’m not looking for, and she deserves better than me anyway.”

Linnie huffed, disagreeing.

“Don’tpfftat me—you started this, so I’ll finish it. I fuck rough, I fuck long, and I fuck hard. I’m a big guy with a matching dick, and my kinks aren’t beginner friendly. I know what I am, even if she doesn’t.” Now those eyes landed on Tamsyn, and they softened slightly when he realized she wasn’t quite as under the influence as she had been. “But one thing I’m not is a liar. Promises mean something to me, and I don’t break them. I made her a promise she’d be safe here, that I’d protect her, so no, she ain’t going unless she wants to go.”

“You’ll break her heart.”

“Maybe. Maybe she’ll break mine.”

The doctor threw her hands in the air, apparently admitting defeat. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you two were perfect for each other. Stubborn asshole,” she muttered, shaking her head. “This is going to end in tears, you do know that, right? Actively ignoring the signs is just as bad as willfully pursuing a relationship.”

He shrugged. “Is that as bad as or equal to breaking a promise?”

“Does it really matter? Just don’t come to me when she’s mired in grief because you won’t fuck her, or you can’t be around her anymore in case you lose control and decide she’s yours. Now is the time to sever the connection, Merrick, or pay the consequences when they’re due.”

Tamsyn was well acquainted with consequences. Pain and death were the ultimate consequences in the community—disobey and be beaten; fail to procreate and be tortured; run and face death.

She tried to push her hand toward Merrick, to take hold of his and beg him to make the right choice. It was too heavy, too restrained by the drugs, to do anything more than let her fingers twitch.

Instead, she used her eyes, pleading with him.

“Life is for living, Linnie. I’ll stand by my promises.” Merrick picked up the toy owl that had fallen to Tamsyn’s side, tucking it under her arm. “But I will talk to her when her faculties return, and if she chooses another option, I’ll honor her decision.”

“She won’t leave unless you make her,” Linnie muttered, delving back into her bag. She huffed and puffed a few times, then attached another syringe to the port. “Half the subs here fall for you, Merrick.”

He scowled at her. “None of them can handle me. Neither will she. Let it go, Linnie. There are bigger things to worry about than whether or not I’m gonna deflower a virgin.”

“Christ.”

“The answer’s no. Her first time should be with someone she loves,” he said firmly, meeting Tamsyn’s eyes with a directness that made her heart sink. “Someone she can spend the rest of her life with if she wants. Not a man who likes his sex with an extra kick. Certainly not one who’ll cause her pain every time she’s with him.” He reached out and took her hand, giving her a wry smile. “Don’t get attached, little owl. You deserve so much more than I can ever offer.”

Don’t say that, Tamsyn thought as her eyes burned with tears. Her sight wavered, but not with the turbulent emotions messing her up. The pain meds swimming through her blood made her woozy and lightheaded.

“Don’t be sad,” Merrick whispered. “It’ll be okay, darlin’. I’ll make sure of it.”

*

Merrick

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