Page 75 of Lesson In Faith

As the day went on, however, she sensed a distinct change in Merrick’s demeanor that kickstarted some anxiety of her own. He was attentive to her every need, but she noticed moments where he seemed distracted, not in a good way.

Although he didn’t flat out say they were having sex tonight, there were butterflies fluttering around in her belly at the thought, and she wondered if men got the same weird mix of dread and anticipation before they did the deed.

That would explain a lot, wouldn’t it?

They watched a couple movies and, while he appeared engaged in the plotlines, it was obvious even to her that he wasn’t in the same room mentally. Those little signs grew bigger as time ticked past, and his mood darkened slightly when he thought she wasn’t paying attention.

The moody, surly look was hot on him.

Upgraded him from silver fox to silver wolf.

Tamsyn was half asleep on the couch when he plucked her up and carried her into the bathroom. He’d been gone for a little while—she presumed to make dinner, not that she was hungry—but when he set her down in the bathroom, she discovered he’d been making more magic.

Candles were lit on every flat surface, filling the room with different fragrances and bouncing soft light off the tiles and mirror. A trail of pink petals led to the bathtub where steam rose from water piled high with bubbles.

When she turned, a smile beaming, he waited for her, bare chested and beautiful.

“There are two ways tonight can go, little owl. One’s pretty easy, not too taxing, and you’ll get to come like a good girl.” He ran a hand over his beard, his expression serious. “The other one is gonna be scary for a while, but it’ll be worth it. The decision is up to you. You want to hear option one, option two, or both?”

She held up a finger.

“Option one is we take a bath, get takeout, and watch another movie. The club will be crazy tonight and I’m not ready to throw you in at the deep end again—one orgy is quite enough.” When she blushed, his grin flashed. “When we go to bed, I’ll eat that addictive cunt of yours until you pass out from exhaustion.”

She cocked her head in interest. It wasn’t the whole hog she’d expected, but it was tempting—she rather enjoyed his mouth on her, and she’d bet he had more tricks up his sleeve. Because she was curious, she held up two fingers this time, and watched his eyes darken with… concern? Regret?

“Option two starts with the bath, only after that, we get dressed and visit Fordham at his cabin. It’s quiet, private, and there’ll be no pressure from nosy guests.” Merrick’s jaw tensed. “You can lose your virginity tonight, if that’s what you want, darlin’. But there’s a catch.”

Okay, that was more along the lines of what she’d been fantasizing. Well, aside fromthe catch. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously when he hesitated, not sure how to carry on.

“I told you yesterday that I had a decision to make, about you. It’s a hard one, because not only do I want to do the right thing by you, it has to be a choice you’re happy with, too, and I know this is gonna wipe that pretty smile off your face.” He reached out to cup her cheek, the callouses on his palm rough against her smoother skin. “I want to be your first, Tamsyn, in everything. I want to be greedy and take everything. I want to be the only man you’ll ever know intimately, but that’s not gonna happen.”

What was he talking about?

The butterflies erupted into a panicked frenzy.

“We don’t know your pain threshold, darlin. Three fingers came close to being a punishment for you, and I’m… I’m bigger than three fingers. Asking you to let me take your virginity is selfish on my part; I might be greedy but not at your expense.” Exasperation glinted in his eyes. “Fuck, I couldn’t drag this out and hash it up any more if I’d scripted it. The catch is Fordham, little owl.”

Now she was confused even more. They could have sex tonight but Fordham… what?

Annoyed he was bringing another man into their conversation, Tamsyn huffed and waved Merrick back as she began stripping. Fordham seemed like a pleasant enough kind of man—well-spoken, quiet, polite. He was attractive, she supposed, but her body didn’t purr for him like it did Merrick.

She was a one-man woman.

When she wiggled out of her pants, she heard Merrick stifle a groan. She’d been watching a lot of TV recently and her horizons were expanding significantly—if he was moody because he was thinking about Fordham, she was sure she’d learned enough to distract him.

But before she could set her wiles in motion, Merrick snared her shoulders in firm hands. “Give me an indication you understand where I’m going with this, Tamsyn.”

The tiny flecks of lighter green were more visible in his eyes up close. She stared into them, realizing he wasn’t just being bossy—his emotions were all over the damn place, some of them passing over his face too quickly for her to read.

With dread filling her belly, sensing that whatever she did next would trigger something unpleasant, she hesitated before shaking her head slowly.

Merrick closed his eyes, exhaling heavily. He took a moment, the longest of her life, then inhaled. When that green gaze locked on hers again, she almost stepped back because the expression in it was different. Resolute.

“I can’t be your first, Tamsyn.”

She regarded him carefully, reeling from the verbal blow of rejection while waiting for the next kick to hit her while she was down. Her eyes stung, but she refused to let the tears form—it would be game over if she did.

“I asked Fordham if he would be willing, with your agreement, to have the honor instead. He’s a good man, he’ll take care of you, and most importantly to me, he won’t hurt you the way I will. You need a positive, enjoyable experience, little owl, and I trust him to give it to you.”

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