Page 131 of Lesson In Faith

Right now, out here in the dark was the light.

In there was hell.

Yet part of her understood it was just a building, just rooms where atrocities never happened. Still another part was stupidly yearning to please Merrick, to do anything to make him happy.

So many conflicting parts.

By her side, Merrick stood quietly, his thumbs hooked in the waistband of black jeans. When she cast a sideways glance at him, he was illuminated in the soft yellow glow of the security lights. There wasn’t a hint of impatience or frustration on his face; he was just waiting.

“Why?” she whispered.

His gorgeous green eyes were full of understanding. “You know why, little owl.”

She swallowed hard. “What if I promise never to do anything that puts my health at risk? I’ll just sit on the couch and not move. Ever.”

His low, rumbling laugh filled her with warmth. “Wish life was as easy as that, Tamsyn. I really do. Unfortunately, it throws us curveballs every now and then to keep us on our toes. Sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re not. Besides, spending your life on the couch isn’t really living, and there’s too much to experience for that.”

“This isn’t an experience I want to go through again.”

He lifted his knuckles to her face, brushing them over her cheek. “Just remember not every experience is the same. What you went through at the community will never happen again. Even if I try to recreate it, there isn’t the same motivation behind it. I’m not Dinan, little owl. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to scare you, although that’s inevitable for now. My goal is to help, one baby step at a time.”

She happened to think several importantbaby stepshad been missed in the planning stages of his goal, mainly asking her what she thought about the whole thing. Of course, Merrick was too intuitive for her liking, so he already knewexactlywhat her opinion entailed.

“We can stand here for the next ten minutes, little owl, or the whole night. Gonna be damn cold, but one way or another, you’re gonna find the courage to walk through those doors. That’s the next step.”

Oh, she knew how he was going to play this. Just go through the doors; just walk down the hall; just sit down.Just, just, just. Tiny leaps of progress until there was no going back.

The trouble was, shewascold. She also loved the sound of his voice and understood the power it had over her, especially when it was rumbly and soothing like it was now. He had intimate knowledge of all her buttons, some she didn’t even recognize herself, and how to press each one in the right order.

Was that his natural dominance at work, or just a special skill?

She licked her lips nervously before rolling the bottom one between her teeth. Trusting Merrick was easy in some aspects, yet much harder when he tossed her into situations like this. On a base level, right down in the root of her being, she didn’t doubt him, but she couldn’t help the uneasiness trickling down her spine.

“T-There’s no one else in there, is there?”

Merrick’s tone was gentle. “Tamsyn—”

Her feet were already skidding backward on the gravel path. Yeah, she was done here, done with a huge, capitalD. No explanations necessary, no further discussion required. Sheheardit in his voice; he only used that tone when he was telling her something she wasn’t going to like, enjoy, agree with, or understand.

“Stop.” He didn’t follow her retreat, but then, he didn’t need to—his voice halted her feet in their tracks. “Darlin’, there ain’t a firing squad waiting for you. Hell, there ain’t even a stranger. It’s just Fordham, little owl.”

“W-Why w-would he w-want to be here?” She struggled to get herw’s out as her voice threatened to disappear into the ether again.

“Believe me, he has better things to do than watch us going a round or two over your phobias, darlin’. Evander insisted we have a monitor and, frankly, I’m inclined to agree with him. Fordham was the ideal choice—he’s a good friend, an excellent Dom, and he doesn’t terrify you half as much as the other Masters.”

Her breath shuddered out. “What are you planning on doing to me?”

A laugh huffed out on a burst of white vapor. “I tell you that and it’ll take me three days to find whatever hole you run to and pull you out. Remember that lesson in faith, little owl? Sometimes I’ll ask something of you that seems impossible, even cruel. Maybe you won’t understand why. All I’ll do is hold out my hand and wait.”

True to his word, he extended his arm, offering his palm.

She hated it when he was so calm and patient; it made her seem unreasonable in comparison. Her fears were her own, there was no getting around that—Jedidiah and the elders made sure the community was imprinted in her down to the bones—yet Merrick understood them as if they were his.

Already knowing she was going to take his hand, she squeezed her eyes shut. “Is it going to hurt?”

“You ask me that every time,” he murmured. “No, little owl. I’ll tell you if I’m gonna do something that’ll cause pain.”

Because her only choices were to believe him or run, Tamsyn opened her eyes and stepped toward him. Running was a defense, triggered by a sudden, unexpected event. Maybe that was why he’d told her about this horrible trip down memory lane beforehand, so her flight or fight reflex wasn’t highly primed to the former option.

---