Page 82 of Crown of Smoke

“None of you sang,” I say as I do my best to eat. It hurts to open my mouth too wide.

“I think you’re concussed.” Blaise rolls his eyes.

“Mom always sang to us when we were sick.” I look up at Ash. “Phoenix tries to be Dad, but you’re more like Mom. You should have sung to me.”

My brothers at first look worried, then one by one, they start to laugh. I join in, even though it hurts like a motherfucker.

After I eat, I head to the bathroom to clean up. The shower spray hits my shoulders like needles, but I force myself to stand under it. Steam rises around me as I brace one hand against the tile wall, trying to keep my balance. Even this simple task feels like running a marathon.

My ribs scream in protest as I reach for the soap.

"Don't pass out in there," Ash calls through the door. "I'm not fishing your naked ass out of the shower."

"Fuck off," I growl back, but there's no heat behind it. My brothers have been taking shifts watching me, making sure I don't die in my sleep. Not that I'd admit it, but I'm grateful.

By the time I manage to dry off and pull on clean clothes, my hands are shaking from exhaustion. I stumble out to find my brothers huddled around the table, clearly working.

“Tell me what’s going on,” I say as I stumble my way toward them.

“Maybe you should rest more,” Ash says.

“I’ll rest when I’m dead.”

There is a beep on the laptop.

“What’s that?” I lean over to look and realize it’s a tracking notification.

“Lucy’s on the move.”

This is wrong, I think as I watch. My breath holds as I worry she’s heading to the pub or the warehouse. I’m relieved when she goes to the newspaper.

“She hasn’t visited again,” I say mostly to myself, wondering if it’s enough for her to know I’m alive. She can now move on.

“She can’t. She doesn’t know where you are.”

I glance up at Phoenix. “Blindfold.”

“You did what? Jesus… I love this woman?—”

“Flint. You’ve got to let her go.” Ash puts his harm on my shoulder. “She's a liability. The sooner you accept that and walk away, the better."

"You think I don't know that?" My voice cracks. "You think I want her mixed up in all this? She deserves better than all this… than being blindfolded by you assholes.”

"Then let her go."

"I'm trying." The admission kills me. "But I need to know she's safe first."

"She's safer without you in her life," Ash says quietly. "We both know that's true."

I slump back in the chair, suddenly exhausted. He's right. Of course he's right. Lucy deserves a normal life, not whatever broken pieces I can offer her between revenge missions.

"Just…" I close my eyes. "Promise me you won't hurt her."

“We have no plans to do that,” Phoenix says. I’m bothered that he’s not promising to never make a plan to do it.

I turn to Ash. “You know what I’m feeling.”

He flinches. "Unlike you, little brother, I know how to keep my distance from things that can destroy me."

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