Page 45 of Crown of Smoke

"When's the wedding?" Blaise teases. "I call best man."

“I’m done with this shit.” I make another attempt to leave.

"Seriously, bro," Blaise says, his tone softening. "I haven't seen you like this since… well, ever."

“It’s none of your fucking business?—”

“It is if it gets in the way of our goal here,” Phoenix says.

“And how has that happened? Where have I failed this mission?” I feign thinking. “Nope, can’t think of anything?—”

“You nearly outed yourself by taking on Kean’s men.”

“I nearly out myself every time I walk into a fight. You know that. It’s one of the issues we discussed when we started this whole thing. At any time, they could recognize me.” I shake my head. “Nah, this is something else. Are you jealous?” I turn to Blaise. “That’s it, isn’t it? I’m sure Blaise is still a virgin, so he must be?—”

“Fuck you, Flint.” Blaise’s usual annoying, jovial attitude darkens.

“Alright, that’s enough. This has gotten?—”

“And you can stop acting like you’re our father,” I snap at Phoenix. “You’re only three years older than me.”

"She's a distraction we can't afford right now. Ten years, Flint. Ten years we've waited to make the Keans pay,” Ash says, not giving a fuck how I feel.

"You think I've forgotten? I was there too. I remember the smoke, the screaming?—”

"Then act like it," Phoenix cuts in. "This journalist, she's making you sloppy. Breaking cover to protect her, bringing her into our investigation?—”

“No, that was your idea to bring her in. Not mine.”

Blaise shifts uncomfortably as if he realizes just how off the rails this is getting.

I look at them all. “I think you all need to get laid. You spend way too much time thinking about my dick." But I know a part of what they’re saying, what they’re worried about, is true. Our parents' killers are still out there, living their lives while we plot in the shadows. And here I am, dreaming about a future with a woman who doesn't even know my real name. Who’ll be repulsed by me when she learns the truth.

The guilt grows as I consider how much we’ve all sacrificed for this mission of revenge. What right do I have to seek happiness while our parents' murderers walk free?

"I know what needs to be done," I say, more to convince myself than my brothers.

“You should cut her loose, not just for your sake but hers too,” Ash says.

I shake my head. “She’s already neck-deep in this investigation. With or without me, she'll keep digging until she finds answers."

"Or until the Keans find her," Phoenix points out.

"Exactly." I meet each of my brothers' eyes in turn. "At least with me watching her back, she has a chance." I turn to Phoenix. “Mitigate collateral damage.”

Blaise sighs. "You're not wrong. But mixing revenge with…" He gestures vaguely. "Whatever is going on with you and her?—”

"I know what I'm doing." I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. "We find the traitor, we take down the Keans, we get justice for our parents. That’s my focus. Maybe you should focus on that too instead of worrying about my dick."

Of course, this is partly a lie too. Because beyond the mission, I now have a new job. I have someone to protect. Someone who makes me want more than just revenge. The realization should terrify me, but instead it feels like I’m moving toward solid ground after years of drifting.

"I'll keep her safe," I promise my brothers. "And we'll use what she discovers. Two birds, one stone."

“He’s going to do whatever he wants,” Blaise says. Before I can tell him he’s an asshole, he continues. “So far, he’s managed to get close to Kean’s men and learn useful information.”

I want to point out it’s more than any of them have done, but since Blaise seems to be on my side at the moment, I keep that quip to myself.

“Just be careful, Flint.” Phoenix puts his hand on my shoulder. “We’re a team.”

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