Page 74 of The Secretary Volume II

Maybe I am sedated and this is just a bad trip.I’ve heard of that happening.

But no, the clamp in my mouth is real.

The suction tube is real.

And they’re looking at me like I’m not.

The chair reclines with a mechanical whirr.The light above me clicks on.It’s bright enough to hurt.

“We’re going to take tissue from the roof of her mouth and graft it along the lower gumline,” the doctor says like I’m not here.“She’ll feel a little tugging.Nothing sharp.”

She says it like I’ve done this before.Like I had a choice.

The metal clamp forces my mouth open.The sound of it clicking into place echoes inside my skull.

Then she lifts the gauze on the tray.Shows off her tools.Describes each one.Painfully slowly.

Scalpel.Periosteal elevator.Needle driver.Bone rasp.Scissors.

She goes back for the scalpel.

The pain is instant and total—hot, electric, sharp.A blade dragging across the roof of my mouth like it’s skinning something alive.

My whole body tries to jerk, but nothing moves.My scream stays buried under the suction tube in my cheek.

“See the resistance here?”the doctor says.“That’s good.Healthy tissue.”

“You’re going to feel some pressure,” she says.

It’s not pressure.

It’s fire.

A student leans in and touches the exposed site with something metal.“Like this?”

“Perfect,” the doctor says.

He cuts.Not confidently.Not cleanly.

Pain shoots through my jaw and up behind my eyes.I taste blood, disinfectant—nothing else.

Another student takes over.This one pulls too hard.I feel the stitch snap before it’s tied.My gums throb like they’re being peeled away from my skull.

“Careful,” someone says.“Try not to torque the tissue.”

I try to move and can’t.I try to make noise, but nothing happens.I need to let them know I can feel everything, but my throat doesn’t work.I make a sound—something like a whimper—but the suction tube in my cheek swallows it whole.

I try to raise my right hand like they told me to.I think I’m lifting it, but everything feels so heavy, and if I am, no one pays attention.

The nurse looks down.Finally.

“I think we need to up the nitrous,” she says softly.“Seems like she’s in pain.”

A pause.

“Sometimes they just look like that,” the doctor replies.

She doesn’t sound concerned.Just busy.

---