Page 9 of Hawk

“How should I feel?”

Knuckles shrugged.“Completely up to you.Just know that you’re one of the few men left here I know and trust.You were exactly what we needed then, and I believe you still are.”

“You takin’ the reins back?”

“Up to Torpedo.That was the deal.But I don’t think it will be long.”

“Put me where you need me, brother.This is my family.I’ll go where you tell me to go.”

He clapped my shoulder and grinned.“Get on with you.Be careful with that one.I don’t think she’d stop at takin’ your balls if you got fresh and she didn’t want you to.”

“I know it makes me more than a little crazy, but watching her kill those guys tipped me over the edge, Knuckles.”

“You mean it wasn’t her being covered in the blood of her enemies?”

I winced.“Heard that, did you?”

“It was a memorable exchange all around.”I wanted to wipe the smug look off the bastard’s face but was on the verge of grinning my own damned self.

“Are we all gonna take our women the second we see them?”

“Kinda looks that way, but my advice is to not fight it.Roll with it.Make her want to keep you around.”

“I’m all over that shit.”

Chapter Four

Carrie

I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold, scrubbing my skin raw trying to remove every trace of blood.The hot water had helped ease some of the tension in my muscles, but my mind was still racing.I’d killed two men tonight.Two human beings who had lives and families and… I shook my head, trying to dislodge the thoughts.

They would have killed me.Or worse.

After drying off, I wrapped myself in one of the large, surprisingly soft towels and cracked open the bathroom door.True to his word, Hawk had left a small pile of clothes just outside the bathroom door.Women’s clothes -- a pair of sweatpants, a T-shirt, underwear still in the pack, and socks.The sweatpants were a perfect fit, but the shirt was miles too big.After pulling it over my head, I inhaled deeply.Then I pulled the collar up to my nose and inhaled again.Definitely a man’s.Didn’t matter.I was grateful I had something clean.The soft fabric felt like heaven against my skin.

The bedroom just outside the bathroom was sparsely furnished but clean.A king-size bed dominated the space, with plain gray sheets and a black comforter.There was a dresser against one wall and a small desk in the corner.No personal touches that I could see.Was this Hawk’s room?It didn’t feel lived in.

My body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as I sank onto the bed.It didn’t feel right, sitting on someone else’s bed without their express permission.Maybe he meant I should sleep on the couch?I left the small bedroom to a larger living room where an old sofa sat along one wall.There were no pillows or a blanket or anything, but I honestly didn’t care.I was too beat to care.

Since I had to get up anyway, I dug through the bag of stuff Hawk had left and found a toothbrush still in its packaging, so I took that and went to the bathroom to brush the gunk out of my mouth.The thought brought on a whole ’nother bout of anxiety.

I slumped against the vanity as I struggled to open the toothbrush and glanced at the mirror.Huge mistake.The face that stared back at me from the mirror was nearly unrecognizable.I was pale, with haunted, wild eyes.Lingering panic still had my pupils blown.My light brown hair was a tangled mess, but at least all the blood was out of it.I had avoided the mirror at all costs until now so I could only imagine what I’d looked like before.

“Oh God,” I whispered, reality crashing down on me again.“What did I do?”I glanced at the clothes in the corner where I’d tossed them.They’d been torn and bloody and I’d tried not to look at them much before, but now I couldn’t take my eyes from the pile.

I shook myself.“Get over it, Carrie.It’s all over and done with.You’ll never have to do something like that again because once you get home, you’re never leaving.”Except I didn’t have a home.I’d left.And my father told me if I left, never come back.

A quiet sob broke free before I could stifle it.Two tears slid down my cheeks and I angrily dashed them away.This would not break me.It wouldnot!

As the adrenaline continued to fade, exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks.My body felt like it weighed a ton.I kept seeing the bloody clothes on the floor.

I gripped the toothbrush tightly in my hand, squeezing until my knuckles turned white.A faint voice rang in my head that sounded suspiciously like my father’s whispered, “Weak,” but I pushed it away.

“Bastard.”I didn’t hate my father, but he wasn’t an easy man.And he was definitely not easy on his children.Except for me.At least, that’s what he said.It never felt like he went easy on me, but I suppose, compared to my brothers, he had.

I shook it off.Had to.Just getting through the next few hours was going to be more than I could handle without hearing my dad’s voice in my head telling me how inept and disappointing I was.

Brushing my teeth helped me feel more human again, the mint taste replacing the coppery flavor still lingering.I shuddered, trying not to think about where that taste had come from.

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