Page 129 of Fauxmance
"Oh?" I said, caught somewhere between wanting to laugh and cry. "Want to elaborate a little more on that, Hayden, because I'm reading all kinds of things into it."
"I thought you understood, Magnolia. I don't do relationships."
I knew that, but it still hurt to hear.
"It's not you," he went on, pleading with his eyes for understanding. "This is all me."
"Sure," I said, feeling like I was in a daze.
"I'm serious."
Nodding, I felt him take my hand. Hayden seemed to be struggling with something he wanted to say. I knew exactly how he felt.
"Remember that girl," he said, seeming to have come to a decision. Every word sounded as if it were being ripped from his throat. "The one who came to watch our band? Her name's Rachel and she's…she's my—"
"Your ex-fiancée," I finished because I couldn't stand to see him struggling. Even at a time like this.
Hayden jerked back. "You know?"
I nodded. "Annabelle just told me."
He looked like he didn't know how to feel about that, but he forged ahead.
"Well then, you already understand why I can't do what you're asking," he said.
"No," I said. "Please, explain it to me."
"I like you, Maggie. A lot. You have to know that. But I don't do love. It's just not in the cards for me."
I shook my head. "Hayden, I'm sorry for what happened to you. Truly, I am."
He had started to relax, but then I said my next words.
"But that is ridiculous."
Hayden looked shocked. "Which part?"
"I don't do love?" I repeated. "Who says things like that, let alone means them?"
"I do," he said. "Commitment isn't my thing, not anymore. I swore I'd never let myself beput in that position again. Dating with me is always no-strings, and the girls I hook up with understand that."
I swallowed the tears that threatened to fall.
"Sorry," I said. "How stupid of me. I thought I might be the exception."
Hayden looked like I'd landed a physical blow.
"You have to forgive me, though," I said. "Since I think I'm falling in love with you."
"Ah Maggie," he said. "You're killing me here."
"I definitely don't want to do that."
I met his eyes, hating the way he was looking at me, but needing to get this out.
"I'm…sorry, Magnolia," Hayden said. "I wish I could be who you need me to be. But I can't."
"That's okay, Hayden," I said and really meant it. "But I don't think I can keep faking it. My feelings are too real now. Obviously. And besides, your grandmother sees how awesome you are. We did everything we set out to do."
