Page 94 of Adorkable

“And?” I held my breath. One impossible thing had already happened today; was it too much to hope for another? Did Becks feel the same way I did? It sure sounded like it, but I was afraid to hope.

“Here’s the truth, Sal.” Becks held my gaze as I waited on tenterhooks. “Ash is no good for you. I know you haven’t been with him long, but I think there’s an easy way out. You could tell him you realized you’ve still got feelings for me. It’d smooth things over, and it’s a believable lie. Then until graduation in a couple weeks, I’d go back to playing your boyfriend. Faking it should be easier this time around. We’ve already done it once.”

My chest contracted, the air in my lungs releasing in one long exhale. This is what he’d had to tell me?

“What do you think, Sal?”

I thought I was having a heart attack, that’s what I thought. It sure felt like I was dying.

“Good idea, right?”

Stupid, that’s how I felt right then. Like the biggest fool in the world, and it was all my fault for thinking, even for a second, that Becks would—that he could—love me like that.

Tears trickled down my face, but I couldn’t hold them back. Not this time.

“That’s a horrible idea,” I said, my laughter sounding like a sob. “It’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

His eyes grew concerned, and he took a step forward, but I wouldn’t let him any closer. I couldn’t let Becks get any closer, or I might fall apart.

“Because you want to keep playing pretend when all I want to do is make it real.”

He froze. “Why—”

“I love you, Becks,” I said, the words ringing true even through my crying. “I’ve always loved you.”

Becks rocked back, as if my confession physically knocked him off balance. The look of shock on his face didn’t help things.

“I knew you never looked at me that way, but you must have had some idea,” I said. “The way I’d always trail after you, how I wanted to be next to you, with you more than anyone else in the world. Our friendship’s always been ironclad, Becks, but I’ve loved you from the start and never stopped. Even after I realized you could never love me back,” I whispered.

One shoulder leaning heavily against the bookshelf, his eyes searched mine. Becks shook his head, speaking more to himself than to me. “I would have known. You’d have told me.”

Another laugh/sob escaped. “I’m telling you now, Becks. Slytherins can be brave sometimes, you know.”

“Sal, I…I love you, too.”

My head snapped up, the tears forgotten. “What did you say?”

Becks locked eyes with me and repeated, “I love you, Sal. I always have.”

“Don’t,” I said, taking a step back as he took another forward. “Please, don’t do this, Becks.”

“Do what?” he said and kept walking until my back hit the wall. I tried to look away, but he was so close, too close. “I’m saying I love you, Sal. There was just never a good time to tell you. I thought it’d ruin everything if I told you and you didn’t feel the same. I’ve felt this way since the moment I set eyes on you. I just…never had the courage to say it out loud.”

“Becks, please.”

“I’m telling you the truth.” Becks shook his head as his fingers ran along my cheek. “Why can’t you believe me?”

The question was so similar to one I’d asked him in the past. Though that one had been about his stupid lucky scruff, the answer he gave worked just as good.

“I want to, Becks. Really, I do.” The words tumbled from my lips. “It’s just I’m not willing to take a chance on something so important and lose.”

He scoffed, hand falling away from me, recognition in his eyes. “Jeez, Sal, that’s not—”

“If I was wrong,” I choked, crying again, “the fallout would be too painful.”

“Sal,” he said after a moment, “I don’t understand.”

I placed my hand against his face, feeling the stubble bite into my skin. Smiling a watery smile, I said, “I know you don’t, Becks. It’s like you and this beard. Sometimes you want to believe in things so bad you convince yourself they’re true.”

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