Page 72 of Still Made For You

“Right now, the only things I need in life, I already have. Including you.” I winked, lifting her thick frame and then wrapping her legs across my waist. She squealed when I tossed her on the bed. I wasn’t sure what the future had in store for me, but I’m open to the possibilities.

eighteen

“Whyisthisthefirst time I’ve seen you since the party? I’ve been blowing your phone up and you’ve been curving me like you owe me rent money,” Loyal pressed. We were having a get together at his house. He’s the only reason I agreed to come because the majority of the family was on my shit list.

“Nothing, I’ve been chilling’, trying to take care of my responsibilities.” I took a sip of my beer as I pretended to be engrossed in the TV.

“Cous, you’ve been missing in action for a minute now. I’m glad to know you’ve been able to spend time with your youngin’, though.”

“Do we have beef or something? I called you a while back to invite you to our cookout, and then when I tried to hit you again, it went straight to voicemail.” I gritted my teeth, hearing Messiah’s voice. He should have known the reason behind my distance. It seemed as though my family chose a side when it came to Breyoun and I. Sadly, it wasn’t mine they chose.

“What do we have to talk about?” I snared. His eyebrows raised in surprise as we both stared at one another.

“Damn, it’s like that?” He chuckled smugly, taking a sip from his own glass. “You’re over here acting like a bitter baby momma, cous. It’s not a good look on you.” He observed.

“Fuck you! If the shoe were on the other foot, you’d feel the same way I do. This family hollers about loyalty every day, but when it’s concerning me, it’s not the same.” I argued. I told myself I wouldn’t address the situation at all. I’d somehow end up being the bad guy, regardless.

“So, I’m disloyal because two grown adults decided they wanted to be together? What did you expect me to do?” Messiah bellowed. This conversation felt redundant. They knew exactly why I felt the way I did.

“So, you’re telling me you would have been okay with me putting another nigga on your broad when y’all were broken up? You would have been cool with one of my homies fuckin’ your bitch?” I roared. Oftentimes, it felt as though my older cousins took me for a joke. As if my feelings weren’t as important as theirs. Everyone praised my older cousins for being successful and they expected me to follow in their footsteps.

“First off, my wife and I have never broken up. Even when we weren’t seeing eye to eye, she knew who that pussy belonged to. Secondly, a nigga can’t take a bitch who knows where home is. You’re so worried about me that you’ve forgotten all of the fuck shit you’ve done to Bree before it got to this point. We’ve asked multiple times if the two of you were together, and what was your response?” Messiah stroked his chin, enraging me even more.

“Don’t try to act as if you didn’t know we were fuckin’ around. We’re supposed to be family, but it seems the word only applies to a select few.” I surmised, downing the remainder of my beer before letting out a burp.

“This has nothing to do with family. Onyx and Bree are two consenting adults. It’s not like I invited him to my crib to set them up. Hell, I didn’t even introduce them to one another, if we’re being honest. Believe what you want, I don’t have to prove a damn thing to anyone.” He scoffed, walking out of the living room.

“Can I ask you a question?” Although Loyal and I were not the same age, he’d been one of the closest to me outside of Oh’Shun. I trusted him to give me his honest opinion even if I didn’t agree.

“What? You think I’m wrong too?” My elbows rested on my thighs as I waited to hear what he would say.

“Do you want to be with Breyoun or are you upset because someone else does?” My eyes shifted to the rug in front of me as I pondered his question. I don’t think it should matter because this was about the bro code.

“What Bree and I have going on has nothing to do with this. At the end of the day, I’d never allow any of my friends to hook up with y’all women. Then y’all wonder why I exclude myself from the family gatherings. Why would I want to be around y’all when I’m always being painted out to be the bad guy?” Since I’ve come home, all I seemed to get were lectures, and I’m tired of it. Nothing I do will ever be good enough, so I’m done trying.

“See, you’re avoiding my original question, and we both know why. The last two times we spoke about Bree, you made it clear the two of you weren’t together. According to you, there’s never been a relationship. So why all this smoke? If we're being honest with one another, this is about nothing more than your ego. You thought she would wait around while you fed her breadcrumbs and false promises of being a family. Now, there’s another person coming in offering what you wouldn’t. Lets not forget about the fact that you’re also fucking on that girl’s cousin. That’s some foul shit, and you know it.” Loyal shrugged after calling me out. I hated to admit he might have been right about his assessment.

A relationship wasn’t what I wanted. However, the idea of Bree creating a new family with my son pissed me off. We were still young, so I didn’t understand what the rush was about. Why couldn’t she wait until I got my shit together? I tried to convince myself she’d only gotten in a relationship with him to make me jealous, but now things were different. They were all over social media, constantly posting pictures and videos of their relationship. He’d even taken her on a vacation. Everyone called me jealous, and maybe they were right. I guess I never thought there would be a time when Bree wanted anyone who wasn’t me.

I’d even tried getting under her skin by posting pictures and videos of me with other women, to no avail. I hated feeling as if I no longer had control over her heart. When I saw those photos with Onyx and Sincere, it sent me spiraling. All I could picture was my son calling another man, dad. That shit wasn’t happening on my watch. I don’t give a fuck how she felt about it.

“I love you, so you know I’m not going to sugarcoat a damn thing. All I’m gonna say is you need to take a step back and really evaluate the situation. At the end of the day, Bree deserves to be happy the same way you do. If you aren’t able to give her the love she needs, why would you try to stop her from receiving it from anyone else? At the end of the day, she’s raising your son. You should want her to be happy even if it’s not with you.” He schooled me. I still didn’t agree because of who it was. Of all the men she could have moved on to, why him? I’d spend years looking up to Onyx when he got drafted to the NBA.

The story of his upbringing and what he overcame was admirable. Messiah introduced us to him years ago, and I thought he was the coolest person I’ve ever met. Now I have to look in this man’s eyes, knowing he was fucking the shit out of the mother of my child. Nobody cared about the way this situation affected me. Imagine having one of your idols fall in love with your baby mama. Now I’m forced to see the two of them together, supposedly happy, and I’m just supposed to act like nothing was wrong.

My irritation grew the longer I sat there, so I decided to dip off into the bathroom. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the little baggie of pills I had brought with me. I hadn’t planned on using them while I was here with my family, but I needed something to take the edge off. I wasn’t able to get them from my usual guy, but I found this new guy from my complex who sold them. I hoped the quality was the same.

Popping two pills in my mouth, I turned on the faucet and took a couple of sips of water to wash them down. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I hated the person I saw staring back at me, but fuck it, so did everybody else. I was tired of trying to live up to the expectations of my parents and everyone else around me. Nobody seemed to care about my feelings, so why should I care about anyone else? Once I had a moment to calm down, I decided to leave the bathroom. Part of me wanted to just go home, while the other part of me wanted to spend time with my family.

Even though I was upset with some of them, that didn’t mean that I didn’t love them. They have always been role models to me regardless of the mistakes they may have made. Growing up as the middle child, I always felt overlooked in my home, but Messiah, Loyal, and my brother Oh’Shun always made me feel important, at least until recently. I felt bad for snapping on Messiah, the way that I did, but at the same time, I don’t think I’m wrong. In my opinion, the moment I stopped dealing with Breyoun, they should’ve cut her off, too.

My son is a part of my family, so yes, he should have access to us. However, Breyoun was an outsider. There’s no reason why I should have to share space with her within the confines of my family household. My cousin River thought that I was being an asshole, but I didn’t see it that way. If the shoe were on the other foot, it would be wrong for me to bring one of their exes to our family functions. There shouldn’t be an exception to the rule.

Opening the door of the bathroom, I rushed out only to bump into a hard body. The moment I heard his voice I already knew who it was.

“Hey, bro, I was looking for you,” Oh’Shun greeted me before taking a step back. My eyes followed the direction of his to see what he was looking at. That’s when I realized that my little baggie must’ve slipped out of my pockets when we bumped into each other. Before I could swipe it from the floor, he had already beat me to it. Shoving my hands in my pocket, I waited for his reaction.

“I thought you were done with this; we had an agreement,” he gritted under his breath. He’s the only person who knew about the pills because he had caught me taking them at our parents’ house a few months back. I lied and told him that it was just something to take the edge off my leg pain. He had no idea just how bad things had gotten, and I had no intention of telling him up until now.

---