Page 60 of Still Made For You

“When was the first time?” I blurted out. For some reason, I felt I already knew the answer.

“When I lost you. I put on a front for my family as if your disappearance hadn’t bothered me when, in reality, it tore me apart. I don’t think my heart’s been right since then.” Guilt plagued me. I’d avoided thinking about the effects my leaving may have had on everyone else.

“I’m sorry I-”

“I didn’t answer your question in order to make you feel bad. I’m only being honest.”

“As tough as it might be to hear, you can’t fix it all. The best thing you can do for yourself and the people you love is to be present. You don’t have to provide a solution or an answer. I promise it’s more than enough.” I turned to face him, stroking his cheek. He leaned into my hand.

“What about you? What can I do to make things right between us?” He kissed the inside of my hand, causing me to shutter.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t show up on your doorstep for no reason, Beauty. I have no intention of letting you go again. Losing you left a hole in my heart for far too long. I’m willing to do whatever to put my heart back together.” He rendered me speechless.

“Are you sure that’s what you really want?”

“It’s what I need. And before you start overthinking, I don’t care about our past. If I’ve learned nothing else, it’s that life is too short. There’s a lot of things I would change if I could, but we can’t go back; we can only move forward.”

“I don’t want you to regret this. If we’re really going to do this, then I need to know you can forgive me for walking away. The last thing I want is to get comfortable with the idea of us, only for my past to be thrown in my face.” As much as I wanted to ride into the sunset with Renegade, my heart couldn’t take the rejection from him if things didn’t work out.

“Listen to me and make sure you hear me clearly, I’m built different. I’m making my intentions clear, so there’s no misunderstanding between the two of us. I’ve been without you for too long, and I’m not willing to go another day without you being mine. I’m not saying we don’t have things to work out because we have to learn from each other all over again. Consider this the courting stage of our relationship. We can move as slow as we need to as long as you understand you’re mine forever.”

“Do you still love me, Beauty?”

“There’s never been anyone before you, and there’ll never be one after you. You’ve had my heart since freshman year at Covington, and I have no desire to take it back.” Renegade lifted me onto the counter in front of him.

“Don’t you ever run from me again, do you hear me?” He commanded.

“I promise, I won’t. I’m here for the long haul.” His lips crashed against mine, lulling me into a trance. I’d forgotten how intoxicating his love could be.

“Ummm,” I moaned into his mouth while Renegade’s hands roamed all over my body.

“Don’t do that. I’m trying to be good,” Renegade whispered. I frowned because I wanted him to do the complete opposite.

“We’re supposed to be taking things slow; I can’t do that if I’m buried between your thighs. We’re going to do this the right way,” he insisted.

“I’m not sure I’m in agreement with your decision. Shouldn’t I have a say so in this?” I reasoned. Honestly, being this close to Renegade has been torturous. It’s been so long since I’ve felt the touch of a man, so being in his presence caused my hormones to go crazy.

“Just say the word, and I’ll give you whatever you want. This dick only belongs to you. It’s not going anywhere.” He ran his fingers through my locs while staring into my soul.

“Can I ask you a question?” The timing may be a bit off, but I knew my mind would obsess over it if I didn’t ask.

“What’s on your mind, Beauty?” Goosebumps traveled up my arm.

“What about Saint?” I uttered lowly. Renegade’s eyebrows bunched together, letting me know my question hadn’t been well received.

“You’re joking, right?” Sarcasm laced his tone as he took a step back.

“Making assumptions is what got us here, so yes, I’m asking for clarity. Saint is my world, and I need to know the two most important people in my world can co-exist together.”

“The fact that you’re questioning me makes me feel like less of a man, if I’m being honest. How can I declare my love for you while excluding a part of you? Come on now, beauty. You’ve got to make it make sense. I’m going to love him. Simple as that.” The conviction in his voice was clear, and it settled the uneasiness in my spirit.

“I know you’re a good man, but as his mother, it’s my job to protect him. As much as I love you, I’ll walk away if you weren’t able to love him, too. I don’t want you to ever feel as though you have to compromise for my sake. I’m giving you the opportunity to back out now because if I fall back into our love, it’s going to destroy me to have to leave you.”

“Have I ever given you a reason to lose faith in me?”

“Never,” It took no time to think about an answer.

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